Warning: Sporadic Posting Ahead

Hello Fellow Bloggers! I think I have finally come to a a somewhat decision on my blog. This summer I will continue to post sporadically. It is just too busy a time of year for me to put coherent thoughts down. With Logan going to Kindergarten this fall let's just say that I am trying to soak up as much time with him as possible. He will be in all day every day Kindergarten from 9-3:30, which is a huge change from him going to preschool three days/week. I am going to miss him tons! I can't believe that the last 5+ years have gone by so fast and that he is already turning into a little man. I even cried at his preschool graduation when his teacher read this poem/quote:

A Touch of Love...
(Author Unknown)

You were six months old and full of fun, with the blink of an eye, you were suddenly one.
There were so many things we were going to do, But I turned my head and you turned two.
At two, you were dependent on me, But independence tookover when you turned three.
Your third birthday: another year I tried to ignore, But when I lit the candles, thre weren't three, but four.
Four was the year that you strived. Why, look at you now, you're already five.
Now you are ready for books and for rules. This year you go to school.
The big day came, you were anxious to go. We walked to the bus going oh, so slow.
As you climbed aboard and waved good-bye, I felt a lump in my throat and tears stung my eyes.
Time goes so fast it's hard to believe That just yesterday you were home with me.
And tomorrow when the bus brings you home and you jump to the ground You'll be wearing your cap and graduation gown.
So I'm holding to these moments as hard as I can, Because the next time I look, I'll be seeing a man/woman.

Wowsers! Quite the tear jerker and a reminder to cherish each and every day with all of my boys!

Caden and Colton are doing really well too. They are on a really good schedule and have been sleeping from 7:30pm-7:00am for a few weeks now. They are growing so fast! At their four month ped appt they were weighing in the 82nd and 93rd percentiles and I affectionately renamed them the "Chunky Monkeys". They are really good babies and only cry when they are tired or hungry.

Thank you all for hanging in there with me and my blog. I will figure out for sure what to do with it in the fall when I am hoping that I have more time. I will need to fill the void of Logan going to Kindergarten and what better way to do it than to write. :)

I'm Still Here. Are You?

Ok, so I think I finally fixed my "Comment Moderation". I think. :)

Sorry I have not posted in so long. I have been reading others blogs with a baby on my lap and sometimes am able to comment, and sometimes not. But, I assure you, if you are on my blog roll, I have read EVERY SINGLE ONE of your posts. I check them every day, sometimes more than once. Because I am addicted like that. :)

OK, blog friends, here's the deal. What should I do with my blog. I have so much to write about, but have been trying to figure out what is appropriate. This blog started as my journey through IF and now that I have my three angels I am at a loss. I LOVE to write, but feel like I need to take a step forward from this blog. I will never, ever forget our IF journey and every time I looked at my boys I am reminded of everything I went through to get them here. But I feel 95% sure that my family is complete. So, even though we are still infertile, I don't feel like I am currently on an infertility journey. Make sense?

So, I was thinking of starting a new blog to chronicle our new happenings in our house and my thoughts on random things. My purpose in starting a new blog and not continue on with this blog is so that I can share it with more IRL people. I only gave this blog address to a few family and friends. Now that my boys are here, I don't really want to get into discussions with those I have not previously given this blog to about how, what, when, where and why my boys landed on this Earth. I'm not ashamed at all, its just that if I didn't initially tell them about our IF journey I don't want now tell them about it. KWIM?

My question to you: If I move to a new "space", will you join me? I have LOVED getting to know each of you and would love to continue to rad your blogs and share my happenings with you. My nanny will be starting 2 days/week in three weeks so I will have more time to write and be committed to my blog. And when Logan goes to Kindergarten in the fall :( then I will continue to be able to write when the Monkeys are down for their naps.

And, if anyone who knows me enough to have my email address could try to post a comment and let me know if it works or not, I would be most appreciative. To those who have left comments on the past posts, I'm sorry that they were not saved. :(

I'm Eating Worms

Ok, so either I turned off all of my comments or I am eating worms. Not one comment on my last post. I sincerely hope I didn't upset anyone (everyone!) with anything that I have written about lately. When I was younger and feeling sad about something or lonely (which didn't happen too often) I always thought of this song for some reason. I think I heard it at day care when I was younger and the song just stuck in my head for some reason. Do you remember this song??

Nobody Likes Me

Nobody likes me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,

Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one,
Down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one,
Up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm


That's me, just sitting over here eating worms:) How can I have so many followers and not have at least one comment? Any one care to comment on that? :)

Comments

I was changing some of my settings recently and messed up the "comments" section so that readers could not post any comments. I think I fixed it now, so "comment" away! :) And, I love comments, just like every other blog author so don't be shy!

I also noticed that I have 25 followers. Wow! That is AWESOME! If you are out there reading my blog, leave a comment and say "Hi" so that I can stop over to your blog and say "Hi". :)

I should add that I am looking for more blogs to read and keep up on. I love reading and seem to have some time to do so (with a baby on my lap). So, if you leave a comment, I will for surely come to your blog and check it out!

Updated Pictures

Here are some pictures of our trip to Florida and some other random pics. Enjoy!


Caden on the left, Colton on the right


Logan wearing my sunglasses


Caden and I at Daytona Beach


Colton and I at Daytona Beach


Logan at Daytona Beach


Caden swimming in the pool in Florida


Colton sleeping on safari at Disney World- Animal Kingdom


My family with Mickey at Disney World- Animal Kingdom


At Disney World- Hollywood Studios

Infertility Hangover

So, I have been internalizing some thoughts lately and I need to get them out. I need to write them out and hopefully make sense of all that is going on my head.

This post is meant to represent a small piece of my life and one that comes to me in short spurts of thought. I don't sit around all day thinking about this, but it does cross my mind often enough where I need to get it out.

When I found out I was pregnant with Caden and Colton I was over-joyed. And I continued to feel that way throughout my pregnancy. I was so thankful that I had finally achieved what I was waiting for for so many years. But my pregnancy was also fraught with a lot of fears. Fears that I wouldn't carry the boys to term, that they would come too soon, that they would be born not "normal", and the list goes on of so many other things that could happen.

It was also difficult to cross over to the other side. Even though I wasn't yet holding my boys in my arms, I gradually, as each day passed and I got closer to holding my boys in my arms, crossed over to the other side. The success side of infertility. The side I had wanted to be on for so many months, years. And, of course, after my boys were placed lovingly into my arms, I became a mom again. Something I had been wanting to do for five years, since I held Logan in my arms.

The transition on the outside has been quite seamless. I have embraced being a mommy again like no other. Each day I look at all of my boys and am so SO so thankful that each of them are here filling our home with sounds that bring a joy to my heart that can not be explained. I feel like they have been here always. That they came into our lives just when they were supposed to and that we got the babies we were meant to have. I can see this about Logan too. He has adjusted so well to having two new little brothers in our home, as if they have always been here. Quite seamless from the outside.

But how do you make the transition from one life to the next? For three years I went to numerous doctors appointments, took too many medications and shots to count and lived my life in an underlying sadness for what I didn't have. Infertility was my life for three years. The life that I didn't choose to live, but the one that I chose to pursue.

I find myself missing that life in an odd kind of way (not that I want it back). When I drive to my parents house I always think about my drive to the clinic for our treatments (my clinic is five minutes beyond my parents house). I think about the nurses, our doctor and the treatments, my life for three years. I think about all of the girls whom I have met who have gone through infertility or who are still going through infertility. What an amazing support team!

I guess I said all of this to say this: I love my new life. The one filled with three beautiful little boys who bring so much joy to my life. As each day passes I think about our infertile life and miss it just a bit. Because for all of the bad things that happened the three years it took me to get Caden and Colton, there were also so many good things that happened. It helped shaped how my life is today. But at the same time, I feel like I am still trying to wake up from a hangover. A hangover that lasted for three years.

Bullet Points

A lot of things have been going on in the last couple of weeks so here are the bullet points:

• Colton has been sleeping 11-11.5 hours straight at night for the last couple of weeks.
• Caden has been getting up one time in the middle of the night to eat still. But, two nights ago he did sleep for 11.5 hours straight. Mommy and Daddy LOVED it!
• DH has been doing Caden's middle of the night feeding- what a rock star!
• We are hosting, along with my mom and dad and sister and BIL, a NAS.C.AR and poker party tomorrow night. Our nanny, Miss M, will be coming to watch the kids for us so that we can have a night out.
• My MIL has been continuing to come to our house on Thursdays to help with the babies. I am lovin' having this help and giving my children the opportunity to bond with Grandma D.
• We have been getting our new camper ready to go camping this summer. We traded in our old one and bought a bigger one to accommodate our growing family. I am excited to bring the babies camping this summer and excited to hang out with our camping group, which includes my parents.
• I signed Logan up for t-ball for this summer and can't wait for it to begin!
• I signed Caden, Colton and I up for an EC.FE class beginning this fall and am excited to do this with them since I never did it with Logan.
• I have been struggling with some things lately and have been internalizing them in a not great way. It has been hard to separate and organize my thoughts properly. I would like to try and write them out on this blog to talk through these "issues", but am not sure that I can organize them in a way that would make sense to you.
• DH and I are going to a family members wedding in May that is a several hour drive away. We have decided to leave the kids home with my parents for the night. We are really looking forward to having time for the two of us for 30 hours.
• The Eas.ter Bun.ny came to our house and brought Logan a new bike. We are hoping that he learns to ride his bike this summer. For some reason, last summer he was afraid to ride his smaller bike and didn't have any desire to ride it. We thought if we (the Eas.ter Bun.ny) bought him a new, cooler bike that was a bigger size for him (he has had a major growth spurt in the last year) that he would have more interest in learning how to ride.

That about sums it up for now! I continue to read each of your blogs, even though I don't always comment. I am usually reading them with one of the babies on my lap and don't have my hands available to leave one.:)