Me, Five Years Ago

Yesterday I went to a fellow mom of multiples house for a play date. There were six sets of twins there who were all nine months and younger. This is the fourth time I have gotten together with my moms of multiples group and each time a couple new faces show up. I love this group because we all have the joy and challenges of having multiples. It is fun to compare stories and receive information from others all the while having the bond of multiples.

But I also felt a bit disconnected.

On the 45 minute ride home the Little Monkeys fell asleep in the car and I had time to think. At the play date a couple of the moms were talking about how hard it is to have two babies. They are first time moms and having two at once can be quite the challenge. They then asked me how I was doing with having two babies. I explained that everything was going really well and that having twins this time is easier for me than having a singleton the first time around. They all looked at me in shock. I went on to further explain that if I had twins the first time I know that I would have struggled a lot. I had a hard time adjusting to being a new mom when Logan was born, trying to find my new role in life while quitting my job and taking on a whole new definition for myself, my new family and a whole new world/life. I also explained that while most days go off without a hitch for us, we do have our challenging days on occasion. They all looked at me with relief.

As much as I love this group, it is also an adjustment for me. I have to go back and put myself in their shoes, exactly where I was five years ago when Logan was born. It seems so long ago that I was adjusting to my new role as a mom and I have come a long way in the last five years and have been through so much trying to have Caden and Colton that I don't feel overwhelmed like I did back then. I am much more relaxed, calm and confident as a mom this time around.

Yes, we have our daily routine and sometimes we fall off of the routine and our days end up a little...scary, I'll say, but then the end of the day comes and I look at my boys sleeping peacefully in their cribs and my big boy, Logan, sprawled across his bed and it is hard not to find the joy in a day that has been challenging or difficult or trying. Those are the times that I tear up and know just how thankful I am to have all of my boys. I know that a new day will come tomorrow and it is a fresh start. I am determined to make each day great and not take for granted or get caught up on or dwell on the craziness of the day before.

After all, having a challenging day with all of my boys is so much easier than having a challenging day of going through IF. I would rather have the challenge of having two babies crying about something (which rarely happens since usually if one is crying the other is laughing at him crying), having two babies to lug in and out of the grocery store or any other errands, having two babies screaming for their bottles at the same time, having two babies to carry up and down the stairs of our two-story house six times/day than to have the challenge of IF again.

Sad to say, when Logan was a baby, I didn't always take these things in stride so well. Most of the time I did, but there were times that I did feel overwhelmed and would need to get out when my DH came home from work. I felt exactly how my fellow moms of multiples felt, only five years ago. With the realization that I was them five years ago, I have found the connection with these women.

These women who I am able to see the new, fresh outlook of being a mom. Whom I am able to remember the joy of "firsts" with Logan and whom I can draw on for the freshness with being a mom to Caden and Colton. Even though I feel comfortable in my role as a mom, I love to view the world through others eyes. And through these women I am able to see the "firsts" of Caden and Colton like it is a new day, a new beginning of life and to celebrate Logan again and all of the "firsts" and joy he brings to my life.