Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Statistics

My RE is a very statistic-oriented person. From our first meeting with him, and each subsequent meeting, we have always been given the statistics. The statistics that our IUI would work, the statistics that our first IVF would work, the statistics of how many eggs would be matured and fertilized for each cycle, the statistics of our IVF cycle working after an endometrial biopsy. The statistics have always been in our favor on paper, but somehow I have managed to fall on the opposite end of the good statistics at every twist and turn on my IF journey. Our IUIs did not work, despite the 85% chance that it would. My first four IVF cycles did not work, despite the 65-85% chance that they were supposed to work. The IVF cycle after the endo biopsy did not work after the 85% chance it should have worked.

When we went in for our first u/s on Monday our RE was no different. After having the Nurse Practitioner perform the u/s, we met with our RE. It was then that he outlined our statistics for this pregnancy. We have a 5% change of miscarrying each of these babies individually in the first trimester. We have a .25% chance of miscarrying both of them in the first trimester. Our chances of miscarriage after seeing the heartbeats again at our next u/s is similar to miscarrying them at 12 weeks, ie, it decreases the longer the pregnancy goes into our first trimester.

After telling us our miscarriage odds, he told us that we should feel comfortable telling our friends and family that we are pregnant, but advised us not to mention that we are having twins. As soon as we got to my parents house to pick up L after our appt my dad asked, "Can we tell people now?" My parents wanted to start telling people after we received our second beta to which we replied, "Absolutely not!".

I have spent the last couple days with my mom and my sister. Our hubby's are out of town together at the NAS.CAR race in Mi.chigan so we had some fun girl time planned. We had a scen.tsy party at my mom's house on Friday night and then my mom and I attended a graduation party on Saturday afternoon together. We also went to see the movie Up and I went to my nieces soccer game this morning.

I told my mom that I was uncomfortable telling people that I am pregnant. Not because I don't want them to know, but because it is hard to get the words out for some strange reason. As happy and elated as I am, it is still hard to formulate the words "I'm pregnant" after so many years of IF. So, my mom gladly took on the role as the official informant for the weekend. I would be standing there having a conversation with someone else completely and I would hear her say, "Oh, Kris is pregnant", or "we're going to have another grand baby" or she would simply hold my shirt tight against my belly and show them my protruding-and-still-looking-four-months-pregnant-belly. All with a huge smile on her face and joy in her voice.

All the while, I enjoyed every minute of it. I have waited three long years to be pregnant again and I am trying to relax and enjoy every minute of it. So many people have said so many great things to me. I have made more people cry, a response I simply did not expect to invoke in others. For once I am happy, really happy. (Although two people have asked me if this pregnancy was planned....ummm, yes, but thanks for your rude question! Seriously, WTF?)

But that nagging statistic keeps coming back to me...that .25% chance that I will miscarry both babies in the first trimester.

Next u/s is scheduled for June 22. First OB appt is scheduled for July 7. Here's to hoping, wishing, thinking and praying that I will continue to be on the right side of the statistics.


Jill M. said...

OMGosh girl, this post had me so stressed out as I read it. The entire beginning was about you always landing on the bad side of the statistics and I was terrified that you were going to say that you landed on the bad side again and m/c'd. Whew, I'm sooo relieved to find that all is great and you're happy. I'm happy too. =)

Deb said...

Planned? If people only knew just how planned this was... I would find that extremely amusing. I often have people that I see only on occasion look at me perplexed when I start talking about my, when were you pregnant? I often let them stew a while in their ignorance, it doesn't annoy me, I think is funny!

Keep enjoying your pregnancy. You so deserve it!

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean by statistics -- I hate them -- Who cares -- if it it happens or doesn't happen to YOU that is what matters -- I have had 80% plus odds also with 2-BFN's and 1-Chemical. I feel your pain -- Just try to enjoy the moments!


Blossom and Her Fruit said...

I'm with JillM. I was so scared reading your post and am sohappy to hear all is well with the babies. :D