Wednesday, December 30, 2009

C-section- Check!

My levels are continuing to stay stable and the babies are continuing to be happy and healthy in my belly. We are going to the hospital every other day for a biophysical u/s, NST and labs. I had a mini meltdown on Sunday at the hospital when the nurse did a pelvic exam because I have been experiencing a ton of pressure lately. She wanted to see if I was dilated more than the week before when my OB examined me. She said I was about the same and that I am feeling a lot of pressure because Baby A head is so far down low.

Baby A likes to continue to try and push down as far as he can and kick my bladder making it feel like I have to pee my pants. Baby B loves to be in my rib cage kicking and moving causing shortness of breath and pain. Every u/s we have both boys are kicking each other in the head and body since one is vertex and the other breech. It makes us laugh to see them in such tight quarters punching and shoving for more room:)

My OB agreed to deliver me earlier than my original c-section date of January 12 because of the cholestasis. Most women who have this condition are delivered between 36w-37w. I will 36w5d on January 6. We are hoping that being born at this gestation, along with receiving the betamethasone shots three weeks ago that they will not have to be in the NICU when they are born. It will also be fun to see how big they really are. We had a growth u/s one week ago and both babies were measuring right around 6lbs. Of course they are harder to measure as they get bigger, but we are hoping that both of them are at least 6lbs, if not more, when they are born.

Wow! I can't believe in just one short week I will be hopefully holding my two precious little angel boys in my arms! We are so excited and can't wait to finally lay our eyes on them.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Home for the Holidays

I was discharged from the hospital one week ago today. I have continued to go to the hospital every day since then (except for Tuesday) as an outpatient for a biophysical u/s, NST, and labs. They are continuing to monitor me closely and I am thankful for the daily reassurances that my babies and I are doing good.

My liver enzyme levels have decreased every day. This is a surprise not only for me, but for my OB and the nurses at the hospital. I went from being told that I most likely would develop HELLP syndrome and have to deliver my babies far too soon to moving in the complete opposite direction. They did re-draw my bile acids to check for Cholestasis and they came back elevated this time. I now have an official diagnosis!:)

I will continue to go to the hospital every other day for an u/s, NST and lab work to to continue monitoring the babies and I. My OB is still prepared to deliver these babies at any time if anything doesn't look good. Yesterday we had an appt at our clinic with her and she did a pelvic exam. I am currently dilated to 1-2. In light of everything happening lately she did move up my c-section to January 6. I will be 36w5d. Although she did mention that I only have 50% chance of making it that long:) Baby A head is so far down and I have been having tons of pressure down low. My OB is on vacation next week, but she has really good partners who would be able to deliver for us. I was able to see one of her partners today at the hospital who has been following our case and she said that she would be honored to deliver our babies in our regular OBs absence.

So, I am officially home for the holidays. I don't have to be back at the hospital until Saturday. Today we are skipping our usual Christmas Eve plans. Tomorrow we are going to my parents house as usual with my sister and her family. It will be a low key day. And I am more than thrilled that I will be home to see the joy on Logan's face when he goes downstairs tomorrow morning and sees all of the gifts that Santa magically placed under the tree while he was peacefully sleeping in his own bed.

Now, I am off to lounge on the couch to fulfill my bed rest orders. Let's hope these babies don't get too feisty and kick open a sac of amniotic fluid in the next 36 hours. :)

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

At Home

Today we had an unexpected twist. For two days in a row my liver enzyme levels decreased. Not by a lot, but by enough for my OB to send me home! I was, and still am, completely shocked that I am able to write this post from the comforts of my living room at home:)

Last night I was out for an evening stroll around the maternity unit and I ran into my OB. She was leaving another patients' room. We started walking down the hallway together and she said, "you look really good". I had showered and gotten dressed in my own clothes, as I have done every day. I think she forgot what I normally look like since she does her rounds between 7-8am and I haven't been showered for the day yet.

I think her seeing me last night and seeing a drop in my liver enzyme levels was reassurance for her to let me come home. It hasn't hurt either that I still don't have any other symptoms, my edema in my legs is gone and my blood pressure continues to stay in the 110/60 range. I am still on bedrest at home and have to go to the hospital every day for a biophysical u/s, labs and an NST (monitoring of the babies). Of course, if my levels start to increase again I will be readmitted.

In the meantime I am enjoying being home with my boys and I had a wonderfully uninterrupted two hour nap this afternoon. DH is making steak tonight for dinner to celebrate. The best part of all, Logan was so happy that I was able to come home. He gave me so many hugs that I lost count and he told me,"Mommy, I am so happy you are home with me." Even though he was a trooper and adjusts well to new situations I started to notice yesterday that my stay at the hospital was beginning to take a toll on him.

Every day will still be a day by day situation. But, you never know, I might just make it to my original c-section date of January 12.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

End in Sight

[side note: THANK YOU all for your wonderful comments and prayers. It is so nice to feel such wonderful support from all of you. There are a couple of you who don't comment very often and I so thank you for leaving a comment for me during this time. I am cheered to hear from you and you all are helping to lift my spirits each day. I wish you all a wonderful holiday season!]

My labs came back today and they have improved. My platelets are at 157,which is in the normal range, and my ALT and AST liver enzyme levels have improved a little bit also, but they are still out of the normal range. Both boys are continuing to pass each biophysical u/s with 8/8 and they are looking great on the NST monitor each time (they are monitored for one hour each shift). My blood pressure remains in the 110/60s range and my edema is pretty much gone. I no longer have tree stumps for legs and sausages for toes.:)

My OB came in this morning and called me a "Superstar". She said that I am trending in the opposite way that they expect me to. She also commended me on my positive attitude. Apparently she has never seen me sobbing after DH and Logan leave each day:)

We have talked a lot about trying to weigh my health with the health and well-being of the babies. She explained that even though the babies would most likely be okay if we delivered them today she knows that they are a lot better in my belly than being outside of my belly. She knows that we worked hard for these babies and the weight of something going wrong with them if she were to deliver them now is weighing heavily on her. She also is taking into consideration my mental/psychological health in the equation. She knows that it is difficult for me to sit here when I feel completely fine.

After talking about all of this I asked her what the threshold was for delivering these babies. Of course if I start to present more symptoms or the babies start to show signs of distress she will deliver them. If my levels continue to stay as they are she would like to see me get to 35w. She told me to mentally prepare for being here and then delivering at the end of next week. I told her that I didn't want my babies to have a Christmas Eve or Christmas Day birthday and that I would mentally prepare myself to deliver them the Monday following Christmas, but that I wanted to reevaluate next week. I can't tell you how pleased this makes me to have a real, confirmed date and an end in sight. The countdown is on...only 12 days to go!

She is also going to let me do more walking during the day. My previous orders allowed me to get up 1x/shift to walk around the maternity section. She is now going to let me walk 3x/shift. I also get to sit in the chair in my room for up to 30 minutes at a time. Oh, the small pleasures in life!:)

The best news of all perhaps is that as long as my levels continue to stay where they are and they are not declining, she is going to write a pass for me to leave the hospital for 2 hours on Monday night. Logan has his preschool Christmas program that evening and I really want to go. I am so excited that she would let me leave and be able to see my little angel singing his little heart out. It will also be nice to have a change of scenery and to enjoy some of the holiday season by seeing all of the Christmas decorations at the church.

For today, my spirits have been lifted a bit. I can now mentally prepare to be here for the next 12 days plus the 4 days after my c-section. This gives me something else to focus on. I have been thinking of Bri and Andy a lot. I am extremely afraid of becoming sick. Even though I am in the hospital and they are monitoring me closely, it is really difficult to not feel like a shoe is about to drop. And after 36 hours of labor and an emergency c-section with Logan I am really hoping to be somewhat coherent when these boys are born.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Still Here

I am still on hospital bed rest. The babies are continuing to look good on the NST and biophysicial u/s that I am doing daily. My liver enzyme levels are remaining steady and my platelets are hovering on the lower end of normal. The bottom normal parameter is 140, yesterday mine were 138 (just below normal) and today they were back up to 140.

I still don't have a diagnosis, but the feeling is that I will develop pre-eclampsia or HELLP. Either of these things can come on quickly and if they do, then I will deliver the babies. They don't want me going home either because they don't know what's wrong and they want to be able to act quickly if my numbers start to show the onset of one of these things or if any other symptoms present themselves.

My OB does not think I will leave until after I have these babies. Ideally she would like to see me get to at least 35w (which happens to be on Christmas day). We are just waiting day by day to see what happens with my labs and to make sure that the babies continue to be healthy inside of my belly and not under any stress. They are trying to balance my health with the health and well-being of the babies.

Meanwhile, my DH and Logan have been visiting me each day and I have had a couple of other visitors too. These visits are pretty much the highlight of my day:) I am still feeling 100% fine so I am definitely enjoying hanging out with people who stop by. DH is done working for the winter so this has been perfect timing in that he is able to be with Logan at home while I am here at the hospital. Although, when they leave in the evenings it is incredibly difficult to watch them walk away and leave me behind:(

This isn't quite what I had in mind when I found out that we were expecting twins. In the end, I know that this will all be worth it when I hold my two baby boys in my arms and this will turn into a distant memory.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Hospital Bedrest

Yesterday DH and I met with perinatalogist. He came highly recommended and has had the opportunity to train with the world expert on HELLP syndome. He was very thorough and asked me a lot of questions. He, too, does not know what is going on with me. Since I am only presenting one symptom (high liver enzyme levels), there is no way to diagnose me properly. He explained that he had a similar patient about six months ago. She stayed on hospital bedrest until about 37 weeks and then she developed pre-eclampsia.

He explained that he does not want me going home and continued to be monitored as an outpatient. He wants to be cautious with me and continue to monitor the babies and I while we remain in the hospital. He has ordered my liver enzyme levels to be drawn every day as well as a biophysical u/s of the babies to make sure they are not under stress. So far the babies are doing awesome and continuing to thrive in my belly.

They are trying to balance my health with the health of the babies. If I start to present any other symptoms or if the babies become stressed, they will deliver the babies. Right now we are just going day by day and hoping that things continue to go well and that I feel well so that the babies don't have to come too early.

As much as I agree with their decision to keep me here indefinitely, I am bummed. I want to be at home with my DH and Logan and I don't want to be constantly worried about this. It is scary not knowing what is happening inside of my body. I just hope in the end I have two healthy babies....and I hope their Mommy is equally as healthy.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Admitted Again

Yesterday I came to the hospital to be monitored again. The babies are still looking wonderful, but my liver enzyme levels increased again. My OB admitted me back into the hospital and ordered some more labs and an u/s to view my liver and gall bladder. The only symptom I am experiencing is the increase in my liver enzyme levels. I feel completely fine and I have no other symptoms of pain or discomfort or anything. I have become quite the mystery:)

The u/s of my liver and gall bladder came back completely normal. I don't have gall stones and my liver is doing just fine. My urine came back better yesterday too. On Thursday when I started spilling protein into my urine the result was 50, yesterday it decreased to 30. My 24 hour urine from Thursday evening to Friday evening came back at 282 and anything under 300 for pregnant women is acceptable. My blood pressure has been really good too, usually somewhere around 110/65.

My OB told me that she wanted me to stay in the hospital overnight so that they could draw labs this morning and if my liver enzyme levels increased much more then I would have to deliver the babies this morning. They gave me an IV (ouch!) for the night to keep my hydrated and to help prep for the possible c-section this morning.

Since my levels decreased from yesterday to this morning, my OB is going to be bringing in a perinatologist to consult with. She went home last night and was trying to research more on my case and can't come up with a diagnosis that works or can't find any support for what is going on with me. Usually when your liver enzymes increase your platelets decrease and my platelets are within normal range.

Last night we also toured the NICU and found out a lot of info about what to expect if our babies have to be delivered. DH and I will be allowed in anytime, but each baby will only be allowed two visitors each day. Since we are having twins, we will be allowed to have four visitors each day, two for each baby.

One other thing that I found out is that my OB group was the same group that Bri had. When I talked to Andy last week he said that it took them awhile to diagnose Bri with HELLP because she did not have a typical presentation of the symptoms. I know and feel completely confidant in my OB and her group. They have come highly recommended to me by several physicians and a lot of the nurses here use them for their own personal OB care. I know that I am in good hands and it just may be that after what happened to Bri that they are being extra cautious with my situation, which I am completely fine with. Either way I am happy that they are monitoring me so closely.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Medical Mystery

[side note: the babies are still doing absolutely wonderfully inside of my belly. I am doing much better now that I have slept in my own bed. Here are the details]

Yesterday morning we had a biophysical u/s at the hospital to check on the babies. Both were very active and passed the biophysical. Baby A was quite the stinker and didn't do his 30 seconds of practice breathing until the very last minute. He literally finished at 30 minutes and 24 seconds. But he did do it and both of them passed with 8/8. Here is the big news: they are little chunky monkeys for 33 weeks gestation! Here are their whopping weights:

Baby A: 4lb10oz, measured 34w1d
Baby B: 5lb7oz, measured 34w2d

They hooked me up to the NST monitor when I got back to my room and both babies were doing fabulously on that as well.

My OB came in at 10:30. She was really uncertain what is going on with me. She initially thought cholestasis (and I think still does) because of the itching I have had and slightly elevated liver enzyme levels. However, the bile acid test results came back from the Mayo Clinic and they were negative, which is not consistent with cholestasis. She did say that this is not an absolute test. She also was contemplating whether or not I am in the early stages of HELLP due to the protein leaking into my urine. She order more blood work to be drawn in the afternoon to monitor my liver levels and told me that she would make a decision by the afternoon and this would give her the day to think about what to do with me. The options being: let me go home and continue to closely monitor me OR deliver the babies in the morning after receiving the second shot of the betamethasone steroids for the babies lungs.

In the afternoon, the labs were drawn for my liver enzyme levels and they are remaining steady (compared to the same labs drawn on Wednesday and Thursday), which again is consistent with cholestasis. My 24 hour urine test came back elevated, but not severe (for my two Labor and Delivery Nurses I believe it was 282??, but not quite sure). My blood pressure was 108/61 and my reflexes were really good. And, perhaps most importantly, I feel great.

My OB came back in at 5:00 last night and told me that she is letting me go home. Thankfully, I am not "sick enough" to warrant having these babies right now. Because, of course, the only way for my symptoms to be treated is to deliver them. She is requiring me to come in to the hospital today and tomorrow to be monitored by NST, blood work, urine, etc to make sure that I am remaining steady and that there is not a drastic increase in my levels. If there is an increase, I will have my c-section and the babies will arrive. She told us that we will be going day-by-day and that she believes the babies will have to come by Christmas.

So, how do I feel? Physically, great, which is a huge relief. Just hearing the words HELLP after Bri died, was quite scary. But I know that I am in great hands and that we detected everything right away this week so I feel good just knowing that we are doing everything right. I have mixed feelings about the babies coming so early. I know that they will be in the NICU for a few weeks, but I also know they will be okay. They are great weights and they have the betamethasone shots so I feel good about that. In a way, I can't wait to meet these little guys. Of course, if I have the option to carry them for as long as possible, I will be glad to do it. But there is just the excitement of looking into your childes eyes and seeing what they look like. And, as much as I want to keep these babies in for as long as possible, I don't want to get sick and be incoherent when they are born. I don't want our families to have to worry about me and the babies.

We go back to the hospital today at 1:30 for monitoring. Hopefully everything continues to stay steady and the babies continue to thrive inside of my belly:)

Friday, December 11, 2009

In the Hospital

On Wednesday I went in for my OB appt. They took some more labs and everything looked good. My OB thought that I do indeed have cholestasis, but it is at a manageable level with weekly monitoring. I asked if it was necessary to get the steroid shots for the babies lungs and at that point she was not concerned as she felt I would not have to deliver until early January.

I had a regularly scheduled biophysical u/s, NST and OB appt on Thursday. The u/s went really well and both babies were given 8/8. The NST was good too. There were two decelerations in their heartbeats, but both of them were moving around like crazy and showing off:) When we met with my OB she was concerned about the decelerations, which they don't like to see. Since the cholestasis can cause fetal distress and the decelerations could be an indication of distress. She also mentioned that the amniotic fluid for Baby A was a little low, but still within normal range. Between the decelerations, decrease in amniotic fluid and cholestasis she found reason to admit me to the hospital to be monitored and to receive the betamethasone steroid shots for the babies lung maturity.

We were given permission to go home, pack and get back to the hospital. Thankfully Logan was with my dad for our appts so he was already in good hands.

When we got to the hospital they hooked me up to the monitor and both babies are doing wonderfully! We haven't seen any decelerations and both of them have been really active.

I, on the other hand, have started spilling proteins into my urine. I don't have pre-E, but they are watching me closely since my liver enzymes are also high and the bile fluids which typically go along with cholestasis. They are collecting my urine for 24 hours and then will retest it for protein output later today. I will also receive the second betamethasone shot today.

I also have a growth and biophysical u/s this morning along with more lab draws. I am feeling great other than being sleepy from sleepy on this hospital bed that feels like plywood:) I'll update more when I can.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Half Ass Results

I received a phone call from my OB today asking me to come into the clinic this afternoon. She received some of the results of my testing and wants to re-test me to get a clearer picture of what is happening.

She will not receive the bile acid results from Mayo Clinic until Friday or so, but she did receive my liver enzymes (from the HELLP panel) back and they are high. She also said my "alt" is high, but I have no clue what that is. She does not think I have HELLP, but wants me to have my blood pressure done today to make sure it is not elevating. She is also going to check my urine to make sure that protein is not spilling into it, which is a symptom of pre-E and HELLP. And she is going to re-test my liver enzymes to make sure they are not increasing too quickly.

She thinks that I may have a condition called cholestasis, but won't know for sure until she gets the bile acids results back from Mayo and views the information from my appt today. I have a Labor and Delivery nurse friend, who is also an IF'er, who explained that this condition can increase the chances of fetal distress, preterm labor, and worse case scenario, stillbirth. My OB told me today that if I do have this condition, and depending on the severity, that they may look at delivering the babies at 36-37 weeks.

Obviously this is not ideal. As much as I want to be done with this pregnancy, this is not at all what I was hoping would happen. I wanted a nice, clean way to evict them from my uterus, not a medical condition/scare that will leave me worrying about their health and survival.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Driving the Bitter Bus

[Disclaimer: this post is not blown with baby dust or sunshine. Although I am loving every minute of being pregnant, as I sit here today, I am done....I just want my babies in my arms. And please know and respect that this is my blog and my place to vent. My hormones are starting to get the best of me, so please don't take this personally.]

On Friday I went in for my weekly biophysical u/s and NST. They were both active, practice breathing, and the amniotic fluid was great. They scored 8/8 and passed with flying colors.

After my u/s I had my NST. Both boys were very active and passed within the allotted 20-30 minutes....until the very end. The nurse came to get the sheet to bring to the OB before she unhooked me from all of the monitors. When she came back she noticed that one of the babies heart rates did not "recover" as quickly as they like. She tore off the sheet from the machine again to have the OB look at it. The OB ordered me to stay on the monitors for another 20-30 minutes. When my time was up the nurse came in and said that everything looked good except that I had a contraction this time. I told her that I didn't feel a thing. She explained that it happened during a period of time that both babies were very active so she thought it was just my uterus contracting from all of the movement. She tore off the sheet to bring it to the OB and the OB was not concerned, whew! I was beginning to panic.

Over the weekend I started experiencing some very odd symptoms. On Friday and Saturday night I woke up in the middle of the night, out of a sound sleep. I was throwing up as I woke up. In real life, not in my dream. NOT pleasant. I also woke up both nights to ITCH. I am so stinkin' itchy. It's like I can't put on enough lotion and I can't scratch enough. NOT pleasant. My bowel movements also increased over the weekend too. It seems that every time I eat, I then need to head to the bathroom. NOT pleasant.

I called the on-call OB yesterday to explain my symptoms. The one that was the most worrisome to me was the itching. I have heard of this happening to pregnant women before and it can be serious. The on-call OB told me that she wanted me to be seen today because the cause could be my gall bladder or my liver.

When I went in today to see my OB, she ordered a few labs. One of them is to check to see if I have bile fluids (or something like that). She explained something about my gall bladder and I understood at the time what she was telling me, but I am too tired to remember right now. She also ordered a HELLP panel to be done to check my liver enzymes. She is also testing me for two other things. Again, can't remember enough to explain right now. Once I get the labs back I will have more information that I will hopefully remember. The only thing I clearly remember is that she told me she wants me to take Ben.a.dryl to help relieve the itching while I wait for the tests to come back (which have to go to the Mayo Clinic and they only run the labs on two days of each week).

And, here is my rant.

As much as I love being pregnant and having these babies in my belly, I want to be DONE. I am tired. No matter how much sleep I get. I am swollen. My toes look like sausages and my legs look like tree stumps. I am itchy. All.Over.My.Body. I am huge. Yes, I am ALL baby in my belly, but this also means that I am in a lot of pain in my belly and back. I have gained just over 40lbs, most of it being in my belly. And I am irritated over holiday functions that are yet to come. I want to go and have fun and enjoy my family and see the joy on Logan's face, but somehow I am just to frickin' tired to even want to go. I am pregnant with TWINS. When you look at me, you should see the THREE lives I am trying to maintain and grow. It is hard work, and although I love it, I also need you to understand that certain things are not convenient for me and thus, my family....because, you know, more than half of my family is IN MY BODY.

I am lucky, though. Lucky that I have not been placed on too many restrictions or bed rest. Lucky that things are going so well during this pregnancy so far. Lucky that if these boys were born today that they have a good chance of survival. Because even though my due date is not until January 12, I may not make it to that date. Lucky that my husband understands that things are difficult for me, even though everyone else expects me to continue on as if nothing else is going on. Lucky that I can put a happy face on and pretend that I am not completely miserable. Lucky that I can smile because my boys are still growing in my belly and not in an isolette in the NICU. Lucky that my son loves these babies as if they are already here.

As much as I want to be done with this pregnancy, in no way shape or form do I want these babies to be born any time soon. They need to stay in my belly for as long as possible. After all, this isn't about me or anyone else. This is about my two sons and their health and well-being. And, quite honestly, everything else is a far behind, not even close secondary.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving Post- A Little Late

A couple of weeks ago I put the tape of DH and my wedding into the tape player to view. I was cleaning out a drawer, came across it and after being crabby with DH earlier that morning, thought it would be fitting to put it in and be reminded of the love I have for him. As DH, Logan and I were watching I remembered that day and the joy and gratefulness I felt on that day. Not only for finding my DH and marrying him, but for those that surrounded us in love and joy that day.

That day was so special and so full of promise for us. I felt that the world was ours to take by the tail and do great things and have a wonderful life. As we were standing up on the altar we said our vows (which we still say to each other every once in a while on a whim). The priest asked us a few questions to which our response was supposed to be: "we will". As we were watching the edited version of our wedding it cut to this string of questions that the priest asked us. One of the questions being, "Will you lovingly accept all children given to you by God?" Over six years after our wedding day, just watching this simple question and moment on our wedding day took my breath away.

I immediately looked at DH and said, "Wow. If we would have only known at that time how important that question would play out in our life." Never in a million years on my wedding day did it even cross my mind that we would have problems conceiving a child and lovingly accept them into our home, our life and our hearts.

And, because I am a thinker, I thought of all of the others who have said the same or similar vows over the years who are still waiting to accept their children into their lives. The infertility sisters whom I have met online or have met face-to-face in real life. The ones still battling through the trenches to to expand and create their families. Why are some peoples wishes granted and not others? I'm serious....WHY? I sure wish that we had the answer to this question since I have been pondering it for so many years.

However thankful I am to have Logan, DH and these babies in my belly, I don't think it is fair. It's not fair that we are close to achieving our dream of expanding our family, while others sit silently in pain and anguish for the loss of their family-to-be. The wee little ones who were supposed to be. The embryos who never quite made into little angel babies to be placed in their arms. The loss of the family that they so desperately want.

So, yes, I am completely thankful and joyful at what lies ahead for DH, Logan and I. The little bundles who are growing in my belly and who are forever in my heart. I smile when they kick me at all hours and know that they are growing and thriving in my belly. I can't wait for the day that they are placed in my arms to love and kiss and hold.

But, to my fellow infertile friends who are still fighting the IF fight, you are not alone. I have not forgotten you or the pain you are experiencing. I mean, how does one forget such a hard time in their life?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

31 Week OB Appt, U/S and NST

[side note: I have a Thanksgiving post that I have been thinking about, but need to sort out some thoughts before I write them in this blog. I will do that in the next couple of days.]

Yesterday I had my 31 week OB appt. Eveything is going so well with these babies that I just hope and pray that they continue to go well. I started with my u/s and both babies are looking great. Here are some stats:

Baby A heartbeat: 133
Baby B heartbeat: 155
Amniotic Fluid: very good
Baby A: head down
Baby B: breech and facing towards my back
Baby A: measuring 31w3d
Baby B: measuring 31w4d
Baby A: 3lb9oz
Baby B: 3lb13oz
Edema: 2++, she wrote me a prescription for stockings to make me more comfortable
Blood Pressure: 110/50
Fundal Height: 37cm
Weight Gain: 39lbs

After our u/s we had our NST. Both babies were showing off and kicking a ton so they both passed with flying colors:)

We were then put in a room to meet with our OB. She came in and was very pleased with how things are progressing so far. She told us that her goal for us was to make it to at least 30 weeks and that we should feel very good that we were almost 31 weeks with a smooth twin pregnancy and that we should celebrate this milestone. She then said that her next goal for us is to get into December. I laughed and said, "my goal is to get into January!". I want to have two babies that don't need to spend much, if any, time in the NICU.

I expressed my concern that Baby A has only gained 1lb since our last u/s four weeks ago. She was not concerned since both babies are measuring ahead still, but that she will keep an eye on it as we have more u/s. She explained that there is a variation in the measurements based on who is doing the u/s and how much experience they have. Plus, each u/s can be off by up to 1/2lb. When we had previously mentioned our concern about the weight of both babies at this u/s compared to the last u/s the u/s tech said, "well, we saw Baby As face and we know he is chubby so I am thinking that he is actually closer to 4lbs right now". We could not see much of Baby B since he is breech and facing towards my back. Either way, DH and I are pleased with how big our boys are so far! The u/s tech also told us that between the weight of both babies, two umbilical cords, two placentas and two amniotic sacs I am carrying the equivalent of a 10lb baby right now. Yikes!

We talked about my c-section which is scheduled for January 12, 2010 at 37w4d. She told us that we only have a 25% chance of actually making it to this date. Now we need to work out the details of wehre Logan will go while we are in the hospital and a back-up plan in case we go earlier.

DH requested a temporary Handicap Parking sticker for me too:) I told him that when I drop off and pick up Logan from preschool that I have been parking in the handicap spots. He is concerned that I will be ticketed and have to pay a $200 fine. Plus, he doesn't want me to walk more than I have to at this point since I get tired so easily, my feet hurt if I am up and about a lot during the day and the edema in my feet and legs get worse the more I am on my feet.

Have I mentioned recently how excited I am to meet these boys?:) I can't wait until January!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Perfect Nanny

Recently DH and I have interviewed a couple of nannies. We are only looking for someone 2-3 days/week in the summer and also on evenings and weekends during the school year. DH and I both work more in the summer months so we need to have someone when we are the most busy so that I can work from our home office and DH can work out in the field. Plus, we would love to have someone be available on evenings and weekends so that we can go out once in a while.

We have interviewed two nannies so far, and realized that we don't need to look any further! Both nannies we interviewed are school teachers so it works perfect for them to just work part-time in the summer months. They were both really good and we would trust both of them with our children. However, one definitely stood out.

One of Logan's teachers at school heard that we were looking for a part-time nanny and expressed interest in helping us out. Logan loves her and she is so good with the kids. She also watches some of Logan's classmates and their siblings during the evenings and weekends throughout the school year. She came over last week for an interview and we fell in love.

She has so much energy and loves kids so much. She told DH and I that she gets asked how she can be a preschool teacher and then go watch kids in the evenings without being sick of kids and her response is, "because I love kids and I don't get sick of it at all, just because". She is really friendly, out-going, enthusiastic and caring. We gave her a tour of our house and had a few questions for her and she had some questions for us. I loved that she sat down on our couch and curled her feet under her legs and appeared to be so comfortable in our house. She loves to be outside and wants to be outside with the kids a lot. She asked if our street was busy and if she could take Logan for bike rides (when I am working in my home office and the babies are napping). Plus, she has so many fun ideas and things for Logan to do since she works with his age group at school.

Oh, and did I mention, that Logan LOVES her? I can't even describe to you how excited he was when she came into our house. In fact, before she came over he asked me where DH and I were going when Miss M came over. I told him, "no where. We are going to stay here and talk with her for awhile". He looked at me with a hugely disappointed face and said, "Well, I want you to go somewhere because I want to play with her by myself". And when he went to preschool the next day he went running into her classroom to thank her for coming over.

To top it off....Yesterday Logan had grandparents day at school. Both my dad and my MIL went to school with him for the day. I saw my dad last night and he said that he met our nanny. She came up to them and started talking and explained that she is going to be our nanny. I love that she made herself known to my family. My dad said that he thought she will be a great fit for our family.

Now, if everything goes well next summer I will have to convince her to come every summer!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Her.oux Family Benefit

Last night I had the honor of attending the benefit for Andy (my ex-boyfriend) and his son. I went with my DH, mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law and cousin. The event was held at a St Paul bar/restaurant who is known to support law enforcement. When we were walking toward the event I was so thankful for such a rare nice day for November in Minn.esota. It was a crisp, sunny day and the temps were around 50 degrees. Perfect weather for an outside event.

I thought that I would have a hard time at the event and be a crying mess like I was at his wife, Bri's, wake, but there was such positive energy in the air for the family that it was so easy to feed off of that energy and know that we were all pulling together to help the family in the wake of their loss.

I saw and spoke with a lot of Andy's family members. A few of them came up to me and started talking or I just happened to run into them while I was walking around looking at silent auction items. I talked to his uncle and his aunt for quite some time and heard of another very sad and sorrowful story. Andy's cousin,whom he was the closest with growing up, was married a couple of years ago and had a baby one year ago. His wife found out at 33 years old that she has breast cancer. The family found out while Bri was fighting for her life after giving birth to Leland. Words can not describe the sadness I feel for their whole family during these tough times.

I had an opportunity to briefly talk with Andy's dad. He gave me a hug and asked how I was doing and told me to take care of myself. I reassured him that I am being closely monitored during my pregnancy. Then he told me something I will never forget. With tears in his eyes he said, "Kris, I was extremely impressed with you coming to the wake and sending that beautiful card to us. Thank you so much. It meant a lot to us." I told him that I was happy to and that Andy, Bri and Leland will always have a special place in my heart.

A little while later I saw Andy's mom and went up to her to say hi. She was laughing and smiling and then when she saw me she started crying and gave me a huge hug. After we were done hugging she asked me how I was doing and about my pregnancy and told me to take care of myself. She told me that she was so happy that I came and told me that Andy is a great dad and that he insists on doing every feeding, bath, temperature check (to check for infection since little was born with part of his liver outside of his body), etc. She was telling me that she is going to watch when Andy goes back to work as a St Paul Police Officer working 10p-8a. She told me to make sure that I say hi to Andy before I leave.

A little while later I saw Andy talking to the media. My mom, cousin and I were standing off to the side watching him holding his precious angel baby in his arms. When he was done being interviewed he turned and saw me standing there and came running up to me and gave me a huge hug. As we were hugging he said, "I hear you are having twins." He told me congrats and we had a chance to chat for a few minutes. I also had an opportunity to introduce him to my DH. We are planning on getting together sometime when things settle down.

DH told me as we were leaving, "Andy is a really nice guy." I looked at him and laughed and jokingly said, "Yes, dear. Did you expect me to ever be with someone who wasn't nice?" I was so glad that DH and Andy were able to meet and I thanked DH for coming. He was glad to come and, like me, felt good to be able to contribute to the benefit.

Below are some articles on the event:

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Today I had my 28 week OB appt. Everything is still going really well with the babies and with me too. Here are the stats:

Blood Pressure: 104/56
Cervical Length: Long
Babies: Kicking each other while we were listening to their heartbeats on doppler
Urine: negative for proteins
Weight Gain: 37 pounds (although I had quite a bit of swelling in my legs today)
Fundal Height: 34cm

Not too much to report since I will now be going in every two weeks for an u/s, non-stress test (NST) and OB appts. I will get a lot more information when I go in for my u/s and NST. I have made my next three appts. Each appt I will end up being at my clinic for 3-4 hours to complete all three of these appts.

My OB told me that she usually takes people off of work around this time. I explained that I work from home and am self-employed, which she was fine with. She wants me to tell her if I get too fatigued so that she can take me off of work. DH usually lays his guys off when the ground freezes, but this year they might stop working sooner so that he can be home more to help me with Logan.

Today we also talked about restrictions. They are:
no lifting >15lbs
not to be on my feet for more than two hours at a time
no driving >1 hour at a time

Nothing too restrictive. I have been feeling really tired lately so she also encouraged me to rest or take naps more often. I have been trying to, but my little Logan keeps me on my toes.

As we were ending the appt she told me that she was going to have her scheduler call me in the next couple of days to schedule my c-section. WOOOHOOOO! I am so excited to get a date in mind so that I can start planning where Logan will be spending his time while we are in the hospital for four days. I also realize that the babies could come before my c-section so I need to have a Plan B too. Also, I can not wait to meet these little angel boys!!:)

My next u/s, NST and OB appt are scheduled for November 25.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

French Fries

Today we had a bunch of errands to do and then my parents came over for dinner. While we were out and about, DH asked me what we were going to do for lunch. I told him that I hadn't thought about it since I was still full from breakfast (I made pancakes, sausage, and fruit). Logan was in the back seat and heard us talking about lunch and informed us that he would like Mc.Donald's since he has not had it in awhile (Mick.ey Ds is a treat at our house). We agreed and said that we could go there for lunch.

As we were pulling into the drive-thru I told DH that all I wanted was some fries since I wasn't that hungry. Logan responded: "Mom, if you get french fries then you have to make sure they are cooled off because if you eat them then they might burn the babies tummys".

He just amazes me by how much he is already thinking of the well-being of the babies and they aren't even here yet! Every couple of days he mentions them in some way or yells into my microphone (belly button), "Hi Brothers! I can't wait to meet you!". On Friday he even went into my bedroom to get me more pillows to help make me more comfortable, even though I was fine and didn't mention that I was uncomfortable. I love that I have an almost five year old who is so thoughtful. Once these babies are born I can't wait to see how good of a Big Brother he is!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Pictures and Baby Purchases

In the last couple of weeks I have been buying, buying, buying things for the babies. I have been trying to hit sales and use coupons, but let's face it: baby stuff is spendy! We had to buy another crib and mattress, blankets/covers for their car seats, monkey accessories for their room, bottles, diaper bags, receiving blankets, regular blankets, onesies, nuks, clothes...and, well, the list could go on. But don't worry, I'm not complaining. I am actually enjoying every single penny I dish out to buy all of this baby stuff. I mean, I have been waiting for this for three years. Even though I already have Logan, I got rid of a lot of stuff one cold winter day last winter after IVF #4 failed. Really, I couldn't stand sitting and looking at all of this stuff in the closet any longer.

Today I was out buying clothes for the babies and I kept thinking about how DH said that it will cost less to prepare to have these babies than it did to conceive them. I love this helps me not feel so guilty for spending so much money:) After I went to the Car.ter's store, where everything was 50% off, today to buy some clothes I called DH. This was our conversation:

Me: Just so you know I spent $164 today on clothes for the babies.
DH: Cool! Did you get some good stuff?

You see, that's what I love about my DH. Never has he questioned me in what I have bought. I think that even though I am the one doing most of the shopping he is enjoying making these purchases just as much as I am. Heck, it beats the alternative of the last three years of endless tears and sorrow, right?

On to the pictures. I am a bit behind so I have 25 week and 27 week belly pictures and some fun pictures of Logan.

25 week belly pic (taken in my backyard)

27 week belly pic (taken at my sisters house)

27 week bare belly pic (taken at my sisters house)

Logan and my two nieces on Halloween (taken at my sisters house)

Logan carving pumpkins (taken at our house)

Logan and daddy at the pumpkin patch

Logan and I at the pumpkin patch

Logan with scary teeth (taken at our house)


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Day of Appointments

Today was a busy day! I arrived at the hospital at 7:15 for my Glucose Tolerance Test. As I was walking in I got tears in my eyes remembering when I went to the same hospital to deliver Logan. It was such a joyful time for DH and I and I hope that our twins are born healthy as well. I sat in the lab of the hospital for over three hours while I did the test and the staff was so wonderful! They gave me blankets to keep warm, water to stay hydrated and they were so friendly. Another gal was there doing her test too and the time flew by so quickly because we ended up talking for the whole 3+ hours.

Here are the blood sugar results:

Fasting: 78 (normal range: <95)
One Hour: 145 (normal range: <180)
Two Hours: 127 (normal range: <155)
Three Hours: 121 (normal range: <140)

In other words: I passed! :)

While I sitting in the lab all morning I received a phone call from my OB clinic that the u/s tech who was scheduled to do my u/s today called in sick so they had to cancel my u/s. She told me that since I was already at the hospital that they would fax my orders to the hospital so that I could have my u/s done there after my glucose test.

When I went down to radiology to have my u/s I was lead to the same spot where I sat when I had my u/s with Logan. Again, I got tears in eyes just remembering being pregnant with my little angel baby that is now a big boy.

Here are the stats from the u/s:

Baby A
Weighs: 2lb9oz, which puts him in the 77% (percentile)
Measuring: 28w0d

Baby B
Weighs: 2lb11oz, which puts him in the 80% (percentile)
Measuring: 28w3d

Cervical Length: 4.4 (normal: >3)
Biophysical Exam: everything looks good, they were "practice breathing" well and they have enough fluid around them.

Oh man! I am going to have a couple of big boys again! Logan was 9lb4oz and I think these babies are going to be big too. I can't believe that my twins are so high in the percentiles:) As we were leaving my DH said, "thank God for c-sections, right?" We were laughing all of the way out of the hospital about how big they are already. I am 26w5d today so they are both measuring 1.5-2 weeks bigger right now! I have no idea why I grow such big babies. I am only 5'2" and weighed about 143 pounds when they were conceived and I eat mostly from the four food groups so it's not like I am sitting around eating junk food all of the time. But, trust me, I'm not complaining. I am just so glad that they are growing well and thriving in my belly:)

My next appt is with my OB is scheduled for Wednesday, November 11. I will follow-up with my OB in the next couple of days on the glucose test and today's u/s and find out when she wants me to schedule my next u/s.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Big Brother

Logan has been thinking about his two new little brothers a lot lately. It seems like every couple of days he mentions something about them. Last week he was able to feel them kicking me on four different days. When he felt them kick he started laughing hysterically as if it was the funniest thing that he ever felt. He also is routinely coming up to me to hug my big belly. And he insists my belly button is a microphone that leads directly to the babies so he constantly talking into it. Last week he yelled into the "microphone", "hey brothers I can't wait to meet you!". It makes me laugh so hard and brings the most awesome joy to my heart.

What I love the most about Logan and his brothers is his thoughtfulness and that he is constantly thinking of them. Today he told me that his brothers will have to hear his Turkey Lurkey making sounds (we made Turkey Lurkey at Build-A-Bear at the Mall of America a couple of weeks ago and has been Logan's best friend ever since). He has also been talking about how he is going to share his toys with his brothers.

Yesterday I was asking him questions about how to handle his brothers when they come. I was asking him questions like, "will you pick up your brothers and fling them around? or will you hold them gently and give them lots of kisses?". It amazes me that he already knows that his brothers will be fragile and that he will need to be really gentle with them.

As much as I try to not talk too much about the babies for fear that Logan will be jealous of these little miracles that he can't yet see, it seems like Logan always bring them up. It's as if he knows that they are already a part of our family already. DH and I are trying to soak up our last couple of months with Logan and our family of three, but our sweet, little four year old constantly reminds us that we have two brothers on the way.

Now, I am hoping that he adjusts well to them being here once they are born otherwise we may have some issues to sort out:)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

26 Week OB Appt and Funny Story

I had my 26 week OB appt yesterday and everything seems to be going well, except for one thing....I failed the one hour Glucose Test:( My level was supposed to be <140 and it was 169. I have made my appt to go to my local hospital to have the three hour Glucose Tolerance Test done next Wednesday, October 28, at 7:15am. After that I have an u/s at my OB office at 11:10.

Here are the other stats from my appt yesterday:
Blood Pressure: 108/50
Hemoglobin: 11.1 (I will have to go on iron supplements if it drops below 11)
Cervial Length: >4 (I will get a more correct measurement next week when I go in for my u/s)
Urine Test: no proteins and no UTI
Edema: mild
Weight Gain: 32 pounds
Baby A Heartbeat: 148
Baby B Heartbeat 136

I requested to have my urine tested at every appt and my OB agreed. I know too many people who have had preeclampsia and other similar complications so it is peace of mind for me and also a good thing to do since I am carrying twins.

I have been having slight pressure down low and vaginal pains for just over a week. She manual checked my cervix and it is still really long so she was not concerned. She did say that on my last u/s both babies heads were down low so it could be pressure from them pushing or just my belly growing more.

I asked her about H1.N1 shots and she said that they will not be in until early November. She wants me to call if I or DH and Logan have been exposed so that she can treat me with Tam.i.flu.
On to my funny story....

This afternoon I took Logan out to lunch to Sub.way. When we came out to the parking lot after we were done eating I put him in the back passenger side of the car. I walked around to the drivers side and realized that the person who parked next to me parked really close to my car. After looking at this small opening to get into my car, I decided that I would have to turn sideways and walk sideways to get to my car door. As I started doing this my back was touching the other persons car while my belly was touching my car. As I looked up at my car door again I realized that I was going to get stuck if I went any further. So, I pulled myself out from in-between both cars, went around to the passenger side to get Logan out of the car so that we could go back into Sub.way to ask whomever was driving this vehicle to move it over.

When I walked into Sub.way I must have looked like the biggest idiot ever asking people if they drove this car out in the parking lot. The third person I asked said that it was her car. She was apologizing profusely and saying that she had four kids and knows what being pregnant is all about. She immediately came out to move her car over since she was parked on the line and kept apologizing the whole time. I was laughing and told her not to apologize because I felt bad having to ask her to move her car and explained that I am pregnant with twins and that is the reason I am so huge. She was so nice and kind and it turned out to be the most hilarious thing!:) I mean, for heavens sake, me and my big, pregnant belly were stuck sideways between two cars, can you imagine?!?:)

Updated belly pic coming soon and shopping fun post too!

Monday, October 19, 2009


I woke up startled at 2:45 this morning. As I was making my way to the restroom, which I usually do several times each night, I started to remember the dream I was just having. I was in labor and DH was hunting 7 hours away. I called him and told him to hurry home. I ended up having my 7 year old son, Logan, drive me to the hospital. When I got to the hospital there was a queen size bed that they had me lie down on and put my feet up in imaginary stirrups. As soon as I did this, both babies were delivered vaginally within the same minute.

As I started to connect the dots of various events that have happened lately I began to calm down, but was still shaken.

For instance, DH was possibly supposed to go hunting in Da.kota this weekend, 7 hours away. He was invited, but he never committed to it because we didn't know how I would be feeling at the time he was invited. We decided that it wasn't the best idea for him to go because of how tired I have been lately.

Then, just yesterday DH told Logan that he could drive the golf cart out to the woods behind our house (they are making a path out there to do "guy things" like ride the golf cart and sometime down the road DH wants to get a child snowmobile and four wheeler/ATV, which I am not too fond of....another post for another day:)). Logan told DH, "I can't drive it because I don't have a license". DH was explaining that he would sit next to him and help him and it was okay because they were not driving on the road.

And just last night DH and I were talking about the babies and our delivery. We were reminiscing on how long it took to deliver Logan (36 hours and then ended up having an emergency c-section). We were talking about how quick it takes to have a c-section.

Even though I know my dream was filling in the pieces of these recent conversations and events, I kept thinking about them. And then I started thinking about all things baby and Logan related. How will I feed two babies at the same time? How will I make sure that Logan gets enough attention? How will I get all three kids out of the house to bring Logan to preschool three days/week? And the list goes on...

Needless to say, I wasn't able to fall back asleep for an hour and didn't sleep well for the rest of the night. No matter how excited DH and I for these babies to arrive, we are also thinking about things unknown and how we will handle certain situations once they arrive. I am so thankful that DH always has something reassuring to say to me like, "we will just have to adjust. We adjusted with one baby before, now we will adjust with two babies". Even though this makes complete logical sense to me, I just want everything to be as good as can be when they are born. I have waited much too long for these babies and I want to savor every moment with them and watching Logan interact with his new brothers. Also, did I mention?...I am huge worrier too! :)

Is it January yet??

Monday, October 12, 2009


Ahem. Ahem. Ahem!

I have been nominated for two blog awards in the past week. What an honor! Two awards in ONE week. Wow!

The Honest Scrap Award was given to me by Niki at My Journey to Myles and Beyond to Surrogacy.

The Kreative Blogger Award was given to me by Allison at Ramblings of a Healing Heart.

Both awards ask that I tell you some things about myself. I did the honest scrap award back in March so I will try to come up with a couple more new things to share about myself.

1. My DH and Logan are the most important people in my life (Duh!). They always have been, but I have realized a new, deeper way how much they impact my life after going through IF.

2. Somehow I always manage to let the weight of the world onto my shoulders. When I hear about tragically sad stories of people I know (Andy, his wife, Bri and their son, Leland) or people I don't know (news stories) I want to reach out and help them somehow, whether it be emotionally, physically, or financially. So far I haven't thought of a good way to do this without being creepy.

3. My sister and I can get into a huge fight about something and then be laughing together 5 minutes later.

4. My dad and I are a lot a like. We think the same way and are usually on the "same page". When we don't agree on something, although rare as it is, we can respectfully disagree with each other. Which I have found that most people say that they can "respectfully disagree", but they don't. They continue to argue their point until it is heard. I even have my dads ugly legs:)

5. I would have loved to have NOT gone through IF, but I did and have learned so much. Not only about myself, but about those around me.

6. DH and I brought Logan on an airplane to Florida for the first time when he was three months old. It was one of the best vacations ever. We met my ex-BFF D, her DH and their son down there. We hung out by the beach for the few days we were there, but we found that it was so easy to travel with an infant still in an infant car seat. It was the most spontaneous big thing we have ever done. We decided to go on a Saturday afternoon and we had to be to the airport at 6:00am the next day.

7. Even though I work from my home office and am self-employed, people assume that I am doing nothing. I think because I don't leave my house for work or that I am self-employed they think that I am just sitting around doing nothing and independently wealthy (yeah, right!).

8. There is an old argument about working moms vs. stay at home moms. I love being mostly a stay at home mom since I work odd hours for our two businesses. But I don't really care if other moms work or they stay at home with their kids just as long as they are good parents when they are with their kids.

9. I would love to figure out how to do a link in my blog from another website without having the whole web address come up. Kayjay gave me instructions awhile back, but somehow I can't figure it out. As soon as someone tells me how to do it, I will nominate others for these awards (so please leave me a comment with step-by-step instructions!).

10. Three of my biological grandparents passed away by the time I turned 16. My remaining grandparent, whom my family was not close to, died 7 months before DH and I were married. Often times when I hear of others talking about their grandparents I feel a sense of loss. I cherish the memories I have of my grandparents and hope that my children will have their grandparents around for many years to come. When I graduated from high school and when I was married I so wished they could have been with me on these two special days in my life. It makes me sad that my DH and my children will never know my grandparents.

As soon as someone tells me how to link properly, I will be nominating others for these AWESOME awards!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Meeting With The Pediatrician

Today DH and I met with the pediatrician who will be caring for the babies. Our family practice doctor, Dr K, who we have seen in the past for Logan and whom DH and I go to has changed positions and is now working as a hospitalist at our local hospital rather than working in our family practice clinic. Before she left, she gave me a recommendation on who to have the babies seen by.

Our appt with Dr B went really well. He is younger, down to earth and seems like he is pretty easy going, which is right up our alley. We had a few questions for him and he answered all of them with ease and confidence, while instilling in us the important stuff.

For example: when we had Logan I breast-fed him for a short period of time and then we switched him to formula. I asked Dr B what recommendations he had for us for formula-feeding these babies. I had heard from M (a fellow blogger and IFer who lives in MN with me) that the Tar.get brand formula is pretty much the same as the other big brands, but at roughly half the price. When I asked Dr B about this specifically he said that if he were shopping for formula he would go by price. He said that some of the formula brands tout certain things like "comfort proteins" or similar things, but that all of the formulas are pretty much the same. DH and I feel the same way. The only thing he cautioned is to pick a formula and stick with it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I want the best for our babies, but I also think there is a whole lot of "hype" that goes into certain things baby-related where they try to instill fear in new parents. Formula always seems to be one of them. It sometimes seems that they want you to believe that if you use their competitors brand of formula, that your baby won't thrive and grow. Which, IMHO, is not true. We, as parents, have so many things to worry about and I just don't think that choosing the "right" formula should be one of them. Choosing formula can really be no different than choosing to eat an apple or an orange on any given day for adults. I don't say this to discourage anyone and what they believe about certain baby-related things or to be an expert on formula. This is simply my take on this particular item. Each family needs to decide what is right for them and do what makes the most sense to them.

OK, so I have jumped off of my soap box and have safely landed back on the ground:)

We talked a lot about what will happen after they are born and when he or one of his associates will see the babies in the hospital. He explained that the on-call/rounding physician will come within 24 hours after the babies are born and they will be there every day that we are in the hospital. Once we go home they will tell us when to make the babies next appt at the clinic to make sure they are up to their birth weight

I am so glad that we had the chance to meet with Dr B before the babies are born. Even though I am really sad that our family practice doctor is no longer a clinic physician, I am glad that she referred us to another great physician. And, Dr K is a hospitalist at the hospital that we will be delivering at. When she left our clinic, she gave me her cell phone number to call her whenever. She lives just a couple of miles from us and her kids go to the elementary school that Logan goes to so I am sure I will see her again. And, I will for surely be calling her when the babies are born so that she can come meet our boys since she will be at the hospital anyways.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Update: Ex-BFF, D

I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now and am finally trying to write out my thoughts. Sorry if this post is all over the place:)

A few weeks ago I mentioned my ex-BFF, D, in a blog post here:
A couple of days later we went to Logan's preschool for a back-to-school open house and I did see D there. I walked up to her and said, "Hi!". She turned and when she saw me she instantly smiled. I confirmed that she had gotten my voice mail and she explained that things had been really crazy at her house and that she had not had a chance to call back. I was able to see her middle son and her newborn baby boy. She asked how things were going for us with our pregnancy, rubbed my belly a few times and told me how happy she was for us several times. It was a really nice little chat. As I got into the car to leave with DH and Logan, DH and I were talking about how it went. I told him that it was fine and told him about our conversation. He responded, "So, you pretty much talked like you were old friends again?", I said, "Yep, pretty much".

At that time I had no further plans to make contact with her. Sure, it was nice seeing her there, but sometimes things have to work themselves out the way they were meant to be [side note: IF is not one thing that I believe that works out the way it is meant to be. I think it is a really crappy and horrible thing that happens to the best of people....whole new subject for another post!].

Fast forward a couple of weeks to when I went to the wake/visitation for Bri Her.oux which I posted about here: When I got home from the wake, DH had told me that he went over to D's house with Logan on our golf cart (they live about 5 minutes from us) to look at their septic system that they were having problems with (DH is a sewer, water, septic and excavation contractor). He said that D came out right away and gave him a hug and was happy to see him and he was able to see all of their kids. He took their two oldest kids on a golf cart ride down their street. D's DH and my DH talked for a bit before DH and Logan headed home (my DH and her DH went to high school together and that is how I met D).

As I posted about, I was a mess when I was at the wake and then when I got home from the wake and saw DH and Logan, I started crying again because I am just so thankful to have them. As the evening wore on, he was telling me about their trip over to ex-BFFs house and this got me thinking. If my ex-boyfriend, Andy, and I can have a special place in our hearts for each other and still have limited contact after we broke-up 10 years ago, why can't I do the same with D?

I remember when Andy and I broke-up, it was horrible. We had been dating for 3 1/2 years and we thought that we would be married someday. It was a mutual decision for us to break-up and one that turned out to be the best decision, but it was hard. I thought my world was going to end without him in it. And even though both his and my heart were shattered into a million little pieces, we moved on. But there was always this pact that we made when we first started dating that has remained in my head for the last 10 years and will continue to remain there. Our pact was that no matter what happened with our relationship, we would always remain friends. That is why, over the past 10 years, we have maintained limited contact with one another and why I ultimately decided to go to his beloved wife's wake.

And D is really no different. We were really good friends for quite some time. We took family vacations together, we got together on the weekends with our families for impromptu dinners, we did girly stuff together while our guys did man stuff together, our kids played together, we knew each others families and really, they were truly an expansion of our family. They were so much a part of our lives that when our friendship ended it was painful and heart-breaking. Who would I call every day to chat with? Who would I express my frustrations to? Who did I believe would have my back, no matter what? (Of course, DH filled these roles anyways, but it was nice to have another woman's perspective). She had a special place in my heart and when we were no longer friends, my heart was broken and sad.

So, I decided to call her the day after Bri's wake. I knew that I didn't want to leave things the way they were forever. Life isn't fair and after what happened to Bri, I wanted to be on good terms with D again. When I called her she was receptive to my phone call and it wasn't at all awkward. I told her that I had gone to a wake and it made me think about some things. I explained that I didn't have the need to go back and hash out what had happened in the past, but rather I wanted to move forward with our friendship, whatever that means. I also said that I don't have a plan for how our friendship will be in the future. We agreed that things were said and done that could not be taken back. She agreed that she wanted to go to school functions for our kids and not have there be any awkwardness between us. All in all, it was a good conversation. I told her that she has a special place in my heart and she said the same about me. We ended it by her saying that we will have to get together for dinner soon.

I haven't heard from her since. And it is okay. I am sure that our paths will cross again and it will be just fine. We will be able to greet each other and have a pleasant conversation, rather than trying to avoid each other. If she is ever in a bind or needs support, I will be there for her because she has a special place in my heart. Just as I was for Andy when his wife passed away.

You never know how life will turn out. But when you find people who mean something to you and have a special place in your heart, even though you have differences, it is okay. If D and I become better friends again in the future, that would be nice, but it will also be okay if things remain the same. What is meant to be, will be.

Another lesson learned brought to you by IF. (insert sarcasm) At least I can thank our IF for some good things. Blah.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

OB Appt and U/S- All Good News!

[Edited: accidentally typed 180/60 ofr my blood pressure today. It was actually 108/60]

Today we had another OB appt and an u/s. When we went into the u/s room I asked the tech if she could find the heartbeats again right away. She asked me if I was worried about it and I responded, "I'm always worried about it". She found the heartbeats and both boys were active as usual. I am not sure that they even sleep that much since they are both busy little monkeys all of the time. Here are the stats from today's appt:

Baby A: weighs 1lb3oz, which puts him in the 52%
Baby B: weighs 1lb4oz, which puts him in the 68%
Baby A h/b: 142
Baby B h/b: 144
Blood Pressure: 108/60 (exact same as last time)
Cervical Length: 4.77
Fundal Height: 30cm
Weight Gain: 30 pounds (WOW!)
Genders: Confirmed without a doubt:)

When my OB and I talked about my weight gain I told her that I was surprised that I had gained so much from my last appt since my appetite has decreased and I am eating mostly from the food groups with maybe a cookie or some ice cream thrown in every once in a while. When I got home and was looking at my legs I it dawned on me that I have more fluid retention than I did three weeks ago at my last appt.

In one of the pictures we saw on the u/s screen Baby B was sitting peacefully and Baby A was hitting him in the head with his elbow. It is so painful to watch, but it makes me giggle to know that they are typical little boys already (not that we condone hitting in our house at all). Another u/s pic we have has Baby B lying on top of Baby A head. It sounds really weird, but it is really cute like they are snuggled together in a really odd position.

My next OB appt is October 21 and I will also have the glucose test done that day as well. Our next u/s to check for growth and cervical length will be on October 28. Once I get to 30-32 weeks I will be going in every week and we will schedule my c-section around that time as well.

At the end of our appt I asked my OB what my chances of going into pre-term labor are at this point. She said that everything looks good and mentioned again that I had a 9lb4oz baby before so that works in my favor. She told me that "everything is going perfectly" and that I should "feel confident in how well this pregnancy is going". I asked her to promise me that she wouldn't let me have two 9lb babies and she assured me that I wouldn't and that she didn't think I would stretch that far.

As a side note- cute kid story: Tonight I was hugging Logan and telling him how much I love him and how he has been such a good boy lately by being a good listener. I was on my knees and had my arms wrapped around his little body. All of the sudden he dropped to his knees and started kissing my belly. I asked, "what are you doing?". He replied, "just kissing the babies so that they don't cry and when they come out of your belly I will kiss them some more so that they don't cry, but you have to change their poopy diapers." Did I ever mention how much it makes me laugh to hear children put things in their own words? :)

Monday, September 28, 2009

Shopping Fun and Genders: Revealed

Since we found out the genders of our babies three weeks ago we have had so much fun telling others that we are having "two little monkeys". My family especially has been asking certain questions like: "what color clothes should we be buying?" or "do you need pink or blue scrapbook supplies?" to which DH and kindly reply, "one never knows until they arrive" or "maybe or maybe not". We have all been having a little bit of fun with keeping their genders a secret.

Saturday DH and I went shopping in the afternoon for some baby gear. We spent the day researching the big items like cribs, double strollers, monitors, bouncy seats, swings and bedding. We have one of some of these items, but other items that we had from Logan either broke or we got rid of because we didn't like. We ended up buying a new bouncy seat and a double stroller, which we got an awesome deal on!

We decided that when the babies are infants we don't want to get a side-by-side stroller because that would require us taking them out of their infant seats and place them directly in the stroller. So we decided to look for a front-to-back stroller for now and then we will most likely purchase the side-by-side stroller in the future. When we were looking at strollers at Ba.bies.R.U.s we saw that the Duo.glider was on clearance. We were told that it is being discontinued because they are changing the color on it and maybe making modifications to it. The stroller was normally $229.99 clearanced down to $149.99. With the 10% discount that Ba.bies.R.U.s gives for multiples and a coupon I had, the stroller ended up being $137. DH and I agreed that it is not the most awesome stroller ever, but it is practical and will do just fine for when the babies are infants and when I need a front-to-back stroller when I am out shopping or in a crowd as they get older. DH made the comment that because we got such a great deal on this stroller, we won't feel bad spending more money on a better stroller in the future. I agree!

The store did not have the Snug.ride infant car seats that I wanted so I came home and found them online at for $82! The same car seats in the store were $99.99, except of course they don't have the style I wanted. I am saving on shipping by having them shipped to a Wal.mart location near my house.

We also purchased some baby blankets and figured out what we are going to purchase for some of the other big items. After realizing that you can only make returns within 90 days, we decided to wait until we are within 90 days of our due date so that if there is a problem with anything we buy that we will be able to return it.

After we got home from shopping I received a phone call from my mom wondering how our shopping trip went. I told her where we went and what we bought. She then asked, "So, your dad and I need to know what color stuff we should start buying the babies for Christmas" and my dad chimed in the background, "No, what colors should we buy for Halloween? or better yet, do I need to buy boy or girl camo gear for the hunting season?" I started laughing and said, "let me ask DH". DH was standing right there and he gave the go ahead to tell them the genders. After shopping all afternoon and being reminded how much all this baby gear will cost we figured that as much help as they are willing to give us in buying clothes or other items, we will take! I asked my mom, "Are you sure you want to know??" She exclaimed, "Yes!" She put my dad on speaker phone and as I was laughing I told her, "I will tell you, but you aren't going to believe me anyways" (she was convinced that we are having one boy and one girl), "well, we are having two little monkeys ..........(long pause)..........which are usually associated with little boys". My mom responded, "And??". I was laughing SO hard by this time because I knew she wouldn't believe me so I said, "And nothing, we are have two little boys". After going back and forth with me laughing and her questioning me I think she finally believed me that we are having two little baby BOYS! :)

We have also been telling Logan for the last three weeks that he is going to have two brothers. He also is convinced that we are going to have "one brother and one sister". We have told him at least 50 times that he is going to have two brothers, but if you ask him today what we are having he will tell you, "one brother and one sister". I told him this morning on the way to school that he may be disappointed when they come and they are two boys.

DH is already planning on clearing out some of our woods and making a dirt track for them to ride four-wheelers, snowmobiles, go-karts and dirt bikes. I am pulling the reins back and telling him that I am not too sure I want my boys to have these powerful machines. As they grow and mature, we'll see what happens. I can forsee lots of broken bones in my future, which I am not at all prepared for!

I have always wanted a whole gaggle of boys. I love my nieces, but I love my little boy. I love how he likes to help daddy with projects and how he likes to help me make dinner and bake. I love his adventurous spirit and how he can be a tough little guy. There is just something about little boys that bring a smile to my face. I like to shop, but by myself and I briefly thought about planning their wedding and decided that even though I won't be as involved as my future daughter-in-laws family, it will be okay. Somehow I will find a non-intrusive way to be involved. And, I will always be there for my boys, no matter what.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Shopping for Babies

I have been researching twin baby gear for weeks and trying to decide what products are best for us. Most of my research has been online. I have been reading consumer report reviews, reading customer reviews, talking to other twin moms and talking to DH. I have ventured to a couple of baby stores for very short visits and then end up walking out because it is all so overwhelming.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO EXCITED to be spending money on baby-related things for MY babies. This time, I am without tears in my eyes as I have been in the past for others babies that I have had to buy baby shower gifts for. It's just that shopping for baby stuff has made me a bit anxious- in a good way.

The other day I told DH, "less than four months until our babies arrive". His eyes got as big as saucers and his mouth dropped open and he just stared for a moment. And as quickly as this blank stare came, it was gone and replaced with a million dollar smile and glitter in his eyes. You see, we are both still in so much awe that we are pregnant, and with TWO babies nonetheless. And, my, how time has flown during this pregnancy!

I am 22 weeks today- woohoo!! Which means that our babies will be arriving in the next 16 weeks (hopefully not until after the New Year). Wow, after three years of TTC, our little much-anticipated dreams will be arriving into our loving arms. It just takes my breath away a bit. To know (hopefully) that we will have two perfect little ones to love so much we can hardly stand it is well...awesomely, amazingly, wonderfully, WOW! To give Logan a sibling and watch how he grows and teaches his siblings will quite possibly be the most wonderful thing I will ever see.

So, with much anticipated, anxious and overwhelming joy, DH and I are going baby gear shopping tomorrow. My sister is taking Logan for us while we spend the afternoon trying to figure out what products will work best for our family. Which style of stroller- front and back or tandem? Which swing? What kind of monitor? Which car seats?....and the list goes on. I don't know if we will make any big purchases, but it will be nice to see and test the products in the store with DH. He will add insight and be able to tell if some of the products are worth buying or if we should search for something better. After all, we have been partners in crime through our entire of IF journey, why stop now? Not only do I want, love and like DH, I need him more than he'll ever know.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Update: Wake/Visitation

Today my mom, dad and I went to the wake for Bri Her.oux. She is the wife of my ex-boyfriend/family friend, Andy, that I posted about a few days ago. DH and I talked a lot about it before I went and we were both upset and sad over this horrible situation. DH really wanted to go also, but felt that since he had never met Andy in person that it would not be appropriate to go.

When we got to the funeral home at 3:00 when it started there were already so many people there. Most notably, I saw squad cars from the City of Still.water (where Bri was a police officer), City of St Pa.ul (where Andy is a police officer), Minn.esota State Tro.oper (where Bri worked in dispatch) and Still.water Fire Department. I was moved instantly when I pulled into the parking lot and saw her squad car with flowers and stuffed animals all over it. The lights on top of the squad were draped in black.

As we entered the building my mom and I began tearing up and there was already a lot of people in line waiting to express their condolences to Andy and both Bri and Andy's family. As we got closer my dad said, "Andy just gave me a thumbs up" meaning that he was happy to see my dad. A few minutes later Andy looked up again in our direction and his eyes landed on mine. His face instantly lit up and he gave me a little wave. I started crying even more and gave a slight smile. I just can't believe that this poor woman who just gave birth is no longer here to see her son smile and to experience the joys of motherhood with her husband.

When we got up to Andy he gave my mom a hug and they talked for a minute. As my mom turned to greet Bri's parents and then Andy's parents, Andy looked at me and gave me a huge hug. I have never been hugged so tightly in my life. I was sobbing and he began to cry and we just hugged. When we pulled away he held my hands and said, "it has been a long time. Thank you so much for coming". I told him how sorry I was for his loss and that after all this time I didn't want to see him for this. By this time I was a wreck. After seeing his wife laying in the casket beside him I felt so much sorrow for all that they have been through.

As I passed Bri's parents I said, "Hi. I'm just a friend of Andy's. I am so terribly sorry for your loss". They were so gracious as they shook my hand and thanked me for coming.

When I saw Andy's mom we embraced and this was the second time that I was hugged so hard. She began crying when she was hugging me and I was again sobbing and telling her and Andy's dad how sorry I was for their loss. They told my mom, dad and I how much they appreciated us coming and how nice it was to see all of us. We chatted for a couple of minutes and Andy's mom asked me when I was due, his dad told me that he would have Andy call DH and I if he needed help with anything, they complimented me on my DH and Logan, and his dad asked if I make chocolate chip cookies (apparently he loves chocolate chip cookies and when I offered to help in any way he thought he might as well as for cookies, LOL:))

As my mom, dad and I left we talked about our conversations with Andy and Bri and Andy's families. My dad told Andy that our family will always be there for him. I thought this was so appropriate. Everyone in my family had a really good relationship with Andy and even when we stopped dating, my dad continued to be friends with him. DH and I were talking last night and he believes that if there is anything that we could possibly do to help Andy and his baby boy, that we will. In situations such as this how do you not help out, regardless of any past history you have with that person?

I will continue to hope, wish and pray for Andy, his baby boy and their families. They hold a special place in my heart and I will remember them all forever. As their baby boy grows I hope that he resembles his mommy in so many ways to remind her family that her spirit is still alive and that an angel in heaven surrounds them. Rest in Peace, Bri.

To read more about Bri, her baby boy and Andy, follow these links: