A couple of weeks ago I put the tape of DH and my wedding into the tape player to view. I was cleaning out a drawer, came across it and after being crabby with DH earlier that morning, thought it would be fitting to put it in and be reminded of the love I have for him. As DH, Logan and I were watching I remembered that day and the joy and gratefulness I felt on that day. Not only for finding my DH and marrying him, but for those that surrounded us in love and joy that day.
That day was so special and so full of promise for us. I felt that the world was ours to take by the tail and do great things and have a wonderful life. As we were standing up on the altar we said our vows (which we still say to each other every once in a while on a whim). The priest asked us a few questions to which our response was supposed to be: "we will". As we were watching the edited version of our wedding it cut to this string of questions that the priest asked us. One of the questions being, "Will you lovingly accept all children given to you by God?" Over six years after our wedding day, just watching this simple question and moment on our wedding day took my breath away.
I immediately looked at DH and said, "Wow. If we would have only known at that time how important that question would play out in our life." Never in a million years on my wedding day did it even cross my mind that we would have problems conceiving a child and lovingly accept them into our home, our life and our hearts.
And, because I am a thinker, I thought of all of the others who have said the same or similar vows over the years who are still waiting to accept their children into their lives. The infertility sisters whom I have met online or have met face-to-face in real life. The ones still battling through the trenches to to expand and create their families. Why are some peoples wishes granted and not others? I'm serious....WHY? I sure wish that we had the answer to this question since I have been pondering it for so many years.
However thankful I am to have Logan, DH and these babies in my belly, I don't think it is fair. It's not fair that we are close to achieving our dream of expanding our family, while others sit silently in pain and anguish for the loss of their family-to-be. The wee little ones who were supposed to be. The embryos who never quite made into little angel babies to be placed in their arms. The loss of the family that they so desperately want.
So, yes, I am completely thankful and joyful at what lies ahead for DH, Logan and I. The little bundles who are growing in my belly and who are forever in my heart. I smile when they kick me at all hours and know that they are growing and thriving in my belly. I can't wait for the day that they are placed in my arms to love and kiss and hold.
But, to my fellow infertile friends who are still fighting the IF fight, you are not alone. I have not forgotten you or the pain you are experiencing. I mean, how does one forget such a hard time in their life?