Monday, December 7, 2009

Driving the Bitter Bus

[Disclaimer: this post is not blown with baby dust or sunshine. Although I am loving every minute of being pregnant, as I sit here today, I am done....I just want my babies in my arms. And please know and respect that this is my blog and my place to vent. My hormones are starting to get the best of me, so please don't take this personally.]

On Friday I went in for my weekly biophysical u/s and NST. They were both active, practice breathing, and the amniotic fluid was great. They scored 8/8 and passed with flying colors.

After my u/s I had my NST. Both boys were very active and passed within the allotted 20-30 minutes....until the very end. The nurse came to get the sheet to bring to the OB before she unhooked me from all of the monitors. When she came back she noticed that one of the babies heart rates did not "recover" as quickly as they like. She tore off the sheet from the machine again to have the OB look at it. The OB ordered me to stay on the monitors for another 20-30 minutes. When my time was up the nurse came in and said that everything looked good except that I had a contraction this time. I told her that I didn't feel a thing. She explained that it happened during a period of time that both babies were very active so she thought it was just my uterus contracting from all of the movement. She tore off the sheet to bring it to the OB and the OB was not concerned, whew! I was beginning to panic.

Over the weekend I started experiencing some very odd symptoms. On Friday and Saturday night I woke up in the middle of the night, out of a sound sleep. I was throwing up as I woke up. In real life, not in my dream. NOT pleasant. I also woke up both nights to ITCH. I am so stinkin' itchy. It's like I can't put on enough lotion and I can't scratch enough. NOT pleasant. My bowel movements also increased over the weekend too. It seems that every time I eat, I then need to head to the bathroom. NOT pleasant.

I called the on-call OB yesterday to explain my symptoms. The one that was the most worrisome to me was the itching. I have heard of this happening to pregnant women before and it can be serious. The on-call OB told me that she wanted me to be seen today because the cause could be my gall bladder or my liver.

When I went in today to see my OB, she ordered a few labs. One of them is to check to see if I have bile fluids (or something like that). She explained something about my gall bladder and I understood at the time what she was telling me, but I am too tired to remember right now. She also ordered a HELLP panel to be done to check my liver enzymes. She is also testing me for two other things. Again, can't remember enough to explain right now. Once I get the labs back I will have more information that I will hopefully remember. The only thing I clearly remember is that she told me she wants me to take Ben.a.dryl to help relieve the itching while I wait for the tests to come back (which have to go to the Mayo Clinic and they only run the labs on two days of each week).

And, here is my rant.

As much as I love being pregnant and having these babies in my belly, I want to be DONE. I am tired. No matter how much sleep I get. I am swollen. My toes look like sausages and my legs look like tree stumps. I am itchy. All.Over.My.Body. I am huge. Yes, I am ALL baby in my belly, but this also means that I am in a lot of pain in my belly and back. I have gained just over 40lbs, most of it being in my belly. And I am irritated over holiday functions that are yet to come. I want to go and have fun and enjoy my family and see the joy on Logan's face, but somehow I am just to frickin' tired to even want to go. I am pregnant with TWINS. When you look at me, you should see the THREE lives I am trying to maintain and grow. It is hard work, and although I love it, I also need you to understand that certain things are not convenient for me and thus, my family....because, you know, more than half of my family is IN MY BODY.

I am lucky, though. Lucky that I have not been placed on too many restrictions or bed rest. Lucky that things are going so well during this pregnancy so far. Lucky that if these boys were born today that they have a good chance of survival. Because even though my due date is not until January 12, I may not make it to that date. Lucky that my husband understands that things are difficult for me, even though everyone else expects me to continue on as if nothing else is going on. Lucky that I can put a happy face on and pretend that I am not completely miserable. Lucky that I can smile because my boys are still growing in my belly and not in an isolette in the NICU. Lucky that my son loves these babies as if they are already here.

As much as I want to be done with this pregnancy, in no way shape or form do I want these babies to be born any time soon. They need to stay in my belly for as long as possible. After all, this isn't about me or anyone else. This is about my two sons and their health and well-being. And, quite honestly, everything else is a far behind, not even close secondary.


Jill M. said...

If I am this exhausted at 12~ weeks with ONE, I can't even begin to imagine how exhausted you are with TWO at 32~ weeks!!! Miserable is miserable, don't feel guilty. You have every right to want to do everything you can for your boys and at the same time just want to be done. Building a humun, or in your case two, is very demanding of our body. Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up. Hugs

Expectant Duck said...

Hang in there, and take time for you, the hell with everyone and their holiday demands, it is OKAY to tell people NO. It really is and Logan will understand in his own way, you're growing his siblings.
Hang in there, you're right, tehy are healthier with you in the belly then outside, and right now, you really should be on some sorta rest, you must be exhausted!~

Niki said...

Aww Kris, you are doing such an AWESOME job! You have every right to 6itch and complain all you want. I can only imagine how tough it is to carry two babies (hence the reason I'm always worrying about K). Take care of yourself friend and let me know if I can help you with anything (and I mean that anything!). I can be up your way in about an hour, so don't hesitate to ask. ((HUGS)) Momma!

Sue said...

I second what everyone else said. Bitch all you want...this is hard work! You are doing a great job and I know you want to keep them in longer...try to say no here and there to the holiday stuff. The holiday will be just as great if it is a little slower and you take time with just your immediate family too, and people should understand. If they don't...then they'll get over it. Take care of yourself and your 2 babies, Logan, and your DH first!!!