Saturday, August 15, 2009

Two Most Common Questions

Whenever someone, whether it be a stranger or someone I know, says "Congrats!" on our pregnancy I always tell them that we are pregnant with twins. I just want both babies to "count" or be recognized somehow. I worked so hard to get them that I feel I need to be fair to each of them and let people know that there are two babies. Yep, I am already starting to be fair with my twins...what one gets the other will also get. My sister and I were raised so fairly and both of us have always felt equally loved, nurtured, important, etc by our parents.

When I tell others that we are pregnant with twins the first question they ask (in at least 99.9% of instances) is: Do twins run in your family? DH and I simply say, "yes, they run in both sides of our family". And, quite amazingly, this is true. My aunt was a twin (although the details on what happened to her brother are somewhat unknown. We know that he died, but not sure if he died before or after birth). One of my grandma's was also a twin. DHs grandma was also a twin.

Obviously our twins were not conceived due to the genetic make-up of our family, but do strangers and others whom we know really need to know the details of how our babies were conceived? Nope, I don't think so! I don't think this because I am embarrassed of the route we had to go to get pregnant with these babies (because I am quite proud of how DH and I handled our IF), but I don't feel that all people can handle the information on IVF, nor does everyone with agree with ART procedures. I also feel like I didn't tell others that DH and I had sex to conceive L (once again, I'll pause while you lean over and throw up a little in the garbage can....). Simply put, it isn't any business of someone whom I wish not to share it with.

The second most common question we get asked is: Do you know what you are having? or Will you find out what you are having? DH and I have agreed that we will find out the sex of our babies, but we will not be sharing this with anyone. Most of our close friends and family know the exact date and time our children were conceived, the date we got pregnant, and the date we found out we were pregnant. They will also know when our planned c-section will occur. We want one little thing to keep to ourselves as a surprise for others. We have been so blessed to be supported by so many people who care about us and our journey. It's just that I want just one eensy, weensy little surprise, that's all.

My next appointment is on Tuesday with my OB. I have a bunch of questions to ask her and we are excited to hear the babies heartbeats again. We will also be setting up our 20 week u/s.


Infertile In the City said...

I agree! Why tell everyone everything?! i think it is cute that you want to keep the sexes to yourselves :)

kayjay said...

That's very interesting to hear what everyone has been asking you. I agree that it is no one else's business how you conceived your twins. I often wonder how people will react when we start telling people because this is our first and we've been married for 9 years. I guess we'll have to wait and see but luckily for me too, twins do run on my side of the family so I'm going to say that and hope that people don't pry much more than that. I swear if someone asks me if we did IVF or ART, I'm going to ask them what position they did it in to get pregnant with their kids! To me, that's how impertinent that question is!!! Have fun at your next appointment checking in on the twins!

DAVs said...

People need to mind their own beeswax, right? But your answer is a good one. Have a great next appointment!!

Sue said...

I've heard that so many times - the first question for parents of multipes is if they were natural or from IF treatments. It is so rude. My friend Erin had triplets (2 transferred, 1 split) and with her three boys, the first questions is "are they all yours?" and then, "they aren't conceived naturally, right?". She's been like, "well, we didn't use artificial sweetners or anything in their production". It is so freaking rude. Mind your own damn business! Okay, off of my soapbox. I tend to tell people immediately that I've done IF treatments and that I've had miscarriages...I get annoyed that these topics are so hush-hush and I think it would help people if they weren't...but again, I didn't plan on doing that...I'm not even sure DH supports that. I really thought I'd just let them assume we conceived naturally but I blurt something out every single time....I think I have to work on that:-)

I am so excited for you. Keep that secret to yourselves and revel in it!

Deb said...

In odd ways IF still follows you around. You probably wouldn't have thought twice about these questions if it had been "just sex". I always struggle with how I want to answer questions from strangers. Part of me really wants to educate people, the other part feels like you, do they really need to know the details?

Niki said...

Although everyone who knows us knows that these babies are IVF miracles, I'm waiting for some stranger who learns we're expecting twins to ask if they were naturally conceived. I'm thinking of trying to come up with something funny to respond with. Maybe you girls can help me think of something on Monday?! I think it's your business, which means that you tell people as much or as little as you want to tell them.

I LOVE that you are going to find out the gender, but not tell anyone. What a beautiful secret for you and your husband to share! I look forward to seeing you (and your babies) next week!