Just a quick disclaimer that the babies and I are fine. However, this post is very sad.
In college I dated a guy named Andy for three years. When we started dating he made a pact with me that we would always remain friends no matter what happened with our relationship. When we ended our relationship we continued to get updates on each other. Every Christmas I would send him a Christmas card and a couple days later he would send me a card and a letter back in the mail. I have also exchanged Christmas cards with his parents for the last 10 years.
I also received updates on him and what was going on in his life from my dad. When we were dating my dad got him a job at his place of employment and he made friends there whom he still talks to today. I saw his old partner two times this summer when my dad retired and at a wake for one of his old co-workers.
A couple of years ago he sent my parents a wedding announcement. This summer I learned that he and his wife were expecting their first child. When I got married six years ago I received a phone call from him congratulating me. When his grandpa died four years ago I called him to express my condolences. I have talked to him several times in the 10 years since we stopped dating.
Today I found out some very sad, heart-wrenching news. My ex-boyfriend/long-time family friend lost his wife last night. She developed HELLP syndrome and never recovered. In addition to this horrific news, on August 30, their baby boy was born with his bladder outside of his body. Bri was never able to meet her little boy as she was not awake when he was born and her conditione worsened after her baby was born. She was given a liver transplant last week and her body seemed to be accepting the liver when it appears that she was diagnosed with brain damage. She was taken off of life support last night.
I have been in tears for most of the day. I just can't believe that something so horrible could happen to such good people. DH also so feels incredible sad for this family even though he has never met Andy in person.
I have been trying to decide today if I will attend her visitation given my current pregnant condition and history with him. I talked with several people and got mixed advice. All day long I was feeling like I really need to go to this service. Even though we are not as close as we once were, I feel like we still share some sort of bond. My decision became clear when I spoke with my dad this afternoon. He told me that he and my mom would be going and he would feel horrible if he did not go to her visitation. I was telling my dad that I din't know if I should go, but I really do want to go. His response, "Oh, I think you should go. I think he would be disappointed if you didn't go. I know Andy well and I know that he would want you to come. He will probably break down in tears once he sees you." This is how I was feeling all day too. My dad is not one to mince words and would tell me without a doubt if I shouldn't go. How could I possibly not go and support him during this horrible time in his life?
To read more here is the link to their story:
http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=824374&catid=391&GID=rQpvLpuViMIa26OdELHUJ0ZRYnM99vsKwA+Gt5yr3dM%3D
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3 comments:
That is so heartbreaking. My heart really goes out to your friend...I also think you should go. I have a friend exactly like this from high school (ex-bf) and I'd be thinking the same way as you but I also know that with all he would be going through, our past would be absent from his thoughts...and he might just be happy to see that I still thought of him and wanted to comfort him. So, I say go and express your condolences. That poor guy.
Heartbreaking to say the least! I just read their caring bridge blogs and was drowning in tears. A 30-yr dying from a pg complication, you just don't think of that happening these days. Big eye opener. My prayers go out to his entire family.
I definitely think you should go. Andy is in such pain right now that the last thing he's going to think about is past relationships or current pg. He just needs love and support and I know he'll love having yours as well.
That is horrible and awful. There are no words to describe how unfair life can be sometimes. I am continually left with a feeling that nothing makes sense some times. Prayers for your friend.
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