Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Late Night Rambling and Surrogacy Thoughts

I am up late. I can't sleep. I was tossing and turning in bed thinking. Thinking. And some more thinking. Tomorrow I have my first u/s check, ie., date with the dildo-cam. I get to see all of my (hopefully) future children cookin' in my own personal oven. I wonder how many for sure there are and how big they are. I had 19 antral follicles. In previous cycles I had somewhere between 10-14 antral follicles and ended up getting 18 and 23 eggs, respectively.

I also have the fear of OHSS. When I had 23 eggs retrieved I was borderline OHSS and had to go in to the clinic for follow-up treatment several times between ER and ET. My ovaries hurt like hell and I was as bloated as the Good.year blimp. I am afraid that it might be worse this time with more antral follicles and I really.don' for Mother's Day...the "mother' of all days.

Note to self: buy Gatorade.

As I was clicking around on the internet tonight I saw the headline that S.J.P is expecting twins. My first thought was, "okay, so she did IVF with possible DE". I mean, there aren't many women in their 40s that get pregnant with twins with their own eggs. I have been on the IF internet boards and blogs long enough to know that it isn't as easy as a lot of these stars would like the general public to believe. To my delight, the article stated that they are pregnant via surrogate.
(Can someone please tell me how I can hyperlink something so that I can just name the title of what I want to paste rather than posting the actual link???)

After I read this article I thought, "There is no better week to announce this other than National Infertility Awareness Week", which just happens to be this week. (Another link, rather than a tile...someone please help me figure this out!) I didn't even know this was going on this week until I read it on Brenda's blog (ugh!...another long link!).

As someone who is considering surrogacy, I am so excited that a celebrity is bringing awareness to this option of creating or expanding one's family. Some of you may be wondering if I have someone that I would LOVE to carry my baby. Yes. Yes, I do. This person and I have had two different conversations about this. Really.Good.Conversations. It is someone whom I love and respect so much. Even though this person has not committed to being a surrogate for DH and I , this person has thought about it and talked her DH about it- even before I brought it up to her the first time. Now, that in itself is amazing and selfless. How would this person know that I would ask? Because. Because I have known her forever. We are so alike, but so different. This is the person who I can call on for anything. No matter what.

Even if this person chooses not to be a surrogate for us, if need be (which she and I sincerely hope I won't need), then it will be okay. I will continue to love and respect this person. Will I be heart-broken? Of course! But I will be okay. Truly, I will. I know I will be okay because I know the decision she would have to make will be hard. Really hard. A decision that takes so much thought and consideration, not only for her, but her family (whom I adore) and DH and I and L, whom I know she cares for just as much as we care for her.

If this person chooses to be a surrogate for us...well, words just won't be enough to express the gratitude for the opportunity of giving me life, the life of my yet unborn child. How could you really thank someone enough?

I hope you aren't still wondering why I can't sleep...


Sue said...

That is so sweet that you have someone willing to be a surrogate! So, you are considering this for future, in case this cycle doesnt work? or for this cycle?

Impressed that SJP was willing to discuss the surrogacy- and good for them! Plus, impressive that they got good eggs at 44 (from what I've seen that is hard to do!).

Kris said...

Sue- Yes, if this cycle doesn't work we will reevaluate and see where we are at. It is just a possible future option for us at this point:)

Niki said...

I read that about SJP and am so pleased to hear that they're going public with their news! Unfortunately there are so many negative news articles on surrogacy, so I'm hoping this brings about a positive look on surrogacy.

You know how wonderful I think it is that someone would consider helping you make your dreams come true--it's beyond amazing! However, I hope that you never need to take this path on your journey and that this cycle turns out to be the ONE!

kayjay said...

What you want to do is insert a hyperlink - when you open up a new window to do a new post, there are the formatting options along the top of the box where you type. The 5th button in from the left next to the button that italicizes and the one that changes text colour is called "link" - if you simply put your mouse overtop of it w/o clicking on it, you will see that description pop up. Simply highlight the text you want to attach a hyperlink to, click on the link button and you will get a dialogue box that will allow you to input your http link information. Close the box and you will see that your highlighted text is now underlined so when you click on the text, you will be taken to the link. GL!

I didn't hear about SJP and yes, it is refreshing that people in the public eye come clean about stuff like this, rather than pretending natural conception. I'm amazed that at 47 she still had some good eggs left in her since I am 35 with apparently already terrible eggs. Good for them!

Jill M. said...

Best of luck on your first monitoring visit! That day is always so nerve wracking as you have no idea what's cooking. I'm sure you'll have great results with that antral count.