Friday, December 12, 2008

It's All in a Name

When I was about 6 weeks pregnant with my dear son I started mild cramping that became bothersome. I call my regular doctor and talked to the nurse to ask if it was something that I should be concerned with. To err on the side of caution, she suggested that I come in for an appointment. When I went in later that day for my appointment, my doctor poked all around my abdomen and decided that I should have an ultrasound to check for an ectopic pregnancy. I was immediately scheduled for an ultrasound that afternoon and left my clinic to head to the hospital for the ultrasound. As soon as the technician located the baby she said "oh, there is your baby in your uterus and that little flickering light is its heart". I remember that moment like it was yesterday, even though it was almost five years ago.

I just had this strong feeling from that moment on that my dear son was an Angel. In fact, I called him my Angel Baby throughout my pregnancy and many times since that glorious day that I knew my baby was in the right spot and had a beautiful flickering heartbeat And, even still, I call him Angel every once in a while. After he was born we decided to combine our Christmas card and birth announcement in the same mailing. It read "An Angel was born this holiday season" and it had all of my dear son's birth stats on it (height, weight, DOB, time of birth) and then written below all of this we had written "Happy Holidays" and I signed our names.

When I started scrapbooking I included this story on the first page of his first scrapbook. I have always felt deep inside that he was truly an Angel. Not in the sense that he, and all children, are miracles, but in the sense that I just had this gut feeling that I was so lucky to have him. Like an intuition. It was always somewhat of an undescribable feeling of how I felt that he was my Angel Baby.

About a year ago, I was looking back on his first scrapbook and remembering this story. It was at that time that I felt that gut feeling again. It just hit me that I knew or had that feeling at that time of the ultrasound that I was so lucky to have him. Knowing what I know now and the secondary infertility roller coaster I have traveled thus far, I know how right I was at the time...that he is truly my Angel Baby.

It is with this story that I decided to name my blog "Looking for Another Angel". I have hope that I will be blessed again with another Angel and know how truly lucky I am to hopefully hold another child in my arms again.

1 comment:

Niki said...

Kris, what a beautiful story and such a perfectly fitting name for your blog! I hope that some day soon you are blessed with another angel! ((HUGS)) and a warm welcome to the blog world! Love from your friend, Niki