Wednesday, December 31, 2008

We're Off--Maybe and New Years Resolution

I called CCRM today to ask about the packet that I have not yet received in the mail. AF is supposed to arrive soon and with the holiday weekend coming up, I thought I should find out what to do once she arrives. After trying to estimate when the witch will come we decided to schedule our one day work-up for Thursday, January 8! Depending on the timing of things, it may need to be pushed back, but for now our date is set.

We are scheduled to go to Arizona on January 10-15, so it will be a hectic couple of days in trying to get packed for both trips. Good thing my dear husband is off of work right now so that we can get everything done together. We will fly to Denver on 1/7 and fly home after our appt on 1/8. If AF arrives late then we will most likely have to reschedule and do it in February. CCRM requires us to come between cycle days 5-13 and since we will be in AZ for some of these days, it just might not work to do the one day work-up on January.

Maybe I should wear white pants so that AF arrives...

Every year for the past couple of New Year's Eve celebrations I have said to my dear husband "maybe next year will be our lucky year" or "I hope that next year is the best year ever" or "next year is going to be OUR year". So far, it hasn't quite worked in the way that I intended it to. So, this year I will NOT make any platitudinal (is this a word??) positive comments or wishes. There is nothing like getting your hopes up only to deflate like a hot air balloon.

Now, I am not saying that the last 2.5 years have been horrible. In many ways they have been great. I have a wonderful support system, my dear husband, son and I have done a lot of really fun things (too many to name) and my marriage has grown stronger through our IF struggles. The only thing "wrong" with my life is my struggle with IF. Maybe I will say this year at the stroke of midnight "next year I will try to let our IF go" or "In 2009 I will cycle my last cycle and know if I am going to be a biological mom again" or "my physical struggle with IF will be over next year". Then, I will kiss my dear husband and continue to vow to love each other as we did on our wedding day: "I, K, will take you, M, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life".

I hope you all have a great New Year's Eve celebration! And I wish for you what I can not bring myself to say to my dear husband and I...I hope that your 2009 is the best year ever! :)



Bobbi said...

This next year will be ALL of our "years" I think we will all have something to look forward too! I hope AF cooperates so the 1 day work up fits into you Jan schedule. Happy New Year!!!

Niki said...

Wow, you are going to be a very busy girl this month! Crossing my fingers that af arrives on time and you'll be in CO next week!

I'm with you and haven't spoken a word about 2009 yet. I'm not making resolutions and not saying what I hope for '09. Last year at this time I was so full of joy and hope for what 2008 would bring and knowing what bad things 2008 brought me I just can't say anything for the new year. I guess I'm worried I'll jinx the year again. Dumb I know. Since you can't say it for yourself, I will say it for you--may 2009 bring a new happiness to your life in the form of a tiny, new, growing life! ((HUGS))