Thursday, July 30, 2009

Terrified of Two

[Side note: I will be posting u/s pics soon. I am a bit technologically challenged so my DH and I are going to sit down soon to figure out my scanner and my new camera soon.]

I have always wanted twins. Not just since I started going to IF, but since forever I have wanted twins. When I pregnant with L I would ask my doctor every time we went in for an appt if she was sure there was only one baby in my belly. Even when I had a 36 week u/s to make sure that my anterior placenta had moved away from my cervix, I asked the u/s technician to confirm that there were not two babies in my belly. You see, twins run in my family and in my DHs family so I thought for sure that I was destined to have twins of my own.

Now that I am pregnant with twins, I am a bit terrified (ok terrified is a strong word, but maybe a little worried) of having them. I am a huge worry wart so my first worry is that they will be born far too soon and that my body won't be able to handle both babies. L was 9lb 4.2oz when he was born so I know my body can handle the "weight" and I had a completely uncomplicated pregnancy with him, but I know that so much more can go wrong with two babies.

I am also worried that both of the babies will be "cry babies". L was such a good baby from the get-go. He was really mild tempered,unless he was hungry (although who could blame him since he was so well-nourished when he was born), and not colicky at all (despite have severe acid reflux). He has always been such a good boy, really, and I'm not just saying that because I am his Mom. I am worried that his siblings we be more shall we say "difficult" since I had such an easy baby the first time around.

I am worried about taking three children out for play dates by myself and that they will all need me at the same time and I won't be able to help all of them simultaneously. I am worried that I will be so sleep-deprived that I won't be doing a good job of being a Mom. I am worried that when the babies become toddlers that they will both be running in different directions and I will have to choose which one to go after.

I know I should not be comparing L to his siblings and this is something that I am going to try really hard not to do as I go along in the pregnancy and when the babies arrive. Every one, no matter how big or small, is different.

As I was discussing my worries with my DH two nights ago he was, and always is, the voice of reason: "we will be fine', "I will be home with you in the winter so there will be two of us here to help us get adjusted", "I can go without a lot of sleep so if you are tired you don't have to get up with the babies", "you are a great Mom already and you will with these babies as well", "we were worried about adjusting to life with L and everything turned out fine, and we will do the same with these babies". Ah, the voice of reason is like music to my ears.

And, no matter how worried I am, I am ecstatic, joyful, and excited too. I told DH that I still feel like I am in shock because we are not only having a baby, we are having two babies. I can't believe I am this lucky to be sitting here with two babies in my belly. How can I possibly deserve this much happiness?


Jill M. said...

First, you are a wonderful mom, I can tell just by how you talk about L, and you will be a wonderful mom to the twins. You can do this!

Second, you do deserve this, enjoy it to the fullest!

DAVs said...

You deserve it! Don't even question that!

You will be fine with two. You already know so much from being a Mom already--none of that brand new parent anxiety this go-around. Just like everything in this crazy journey, you'll just take it one day at a time (maybe one hour at a time sometimes in the middle of the night:) ) and you'll keep moving forward.


Anonymous said...

I second what "Jill M." has said deserve this happiness Kris!

You are a great mom to L, as I've seen this in person many a times! You will get your schedule going within the first couple months after the babies arrive & I know at that point you'll feel much better about it all (in regards to playdates, running errands, ect). Plus M is about the BEST husband ever!! He will support you with whatever your needs might many men out there pre-accept night time feedings so mom can get more rest??!!! You are so blessed and so are your babies....they have a wonderful & loving mommy, daddy, and big brother waiting for them!

Hey and remember if the babies are a bit more fussy than L was....everyday that passes your one day closer to them outgrowing that behaivor!! :) That's what kept me going w/Livy!!


Anonymous said...

You'll be a great Mommy of three! I understand the fear...I had always wanted twins, and then when I found out I was pg w/ them, the fear set in. I know that I didn't have a textbook twin pg (over 3 months of bedrest, one of which was in the hospital), but they made it to term and were both nearly 6 lbs! However, I wouldn't go back and change anything.

I suggest doing your research. Start looking at twin stuff you'll need to buy. Read Dr. Luke's book, etc. That helped me to feel empowered and like I was doing all that I could.


Erica said...

First, thank you for your kind words on my most recent post. Second, it seems as if we're in the same anxiety boat. Maybe it has something to do with the second tri - another blog friend of mine said that's when she felt the most anxious too. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Hang in there!