Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Cruel Joke

I went in to my local RE today to have my b/w drawn. They only wanted to check my progesterone and not LH. My primary doc can do both progesterone and LH, but it takes two days to get the results. So, I stuck with my local RE and just did my progesterone and I hope CCRM is okay with it. My progesterone came back at 2.3, which indicates that I have not even ovulated yet, ugh! I am so p*ssed at my body right now, in fact, I don't think that I have ever been this mad at it- even through all of my BFNs. I have NEVER been more than one day late for AF-EVER! Now, I am trying to coordinate and my plan my trip to CO so that I can end my IF journey and she doesn't show up. It like a cruel joke, honestly!

Up until this morning I had no hope that I conceived naturally, but this morning that spiteful thing called "hope" started creeping in. In my head I knew that a natural conception would not happen at this point so I kept pushing it out of my head- thankfully. Imagine if I had my hot air balloon inflated with that "hope" sh*t how devastated would I be right now?

Oh no, now I am just p*ssed. I just REALLY wanted this month to go smoothly. I felt like I was truly enjoying life and was completely fine with AF arriving this month and was looking forward to getting started at CCRM so that I can end our IF journey this year. Now, everything is messed up again. I feel like I have been planning my life around our IF for so long that when this journey is over I don't know if I will be able to live normally again. It is all just so frustrating and irritating. If I wasn't so p*ssed, I would be laughing because it is just so incredulous to me that my body just does not want to cooperate, no matter what.

Anyways, I have been prescribed Provera by local RE to induce AF. I have to take it every night for 10 days and then AF should arrive 1-2 weeks after I stop it. That is another 17-24 days before the wicked witch will come, hopefully. Yippee, I get to take more meds (insert sarcasm).

Oh, and I left a voice mail for the nurse at CCRM so that I can get her instructions, hopefully they are the same as my local RE. Working with two RE's is really interesting....

1 comment:

kayjay said...

I'm so sorry that things haven't turned out as you expected. I too experienced the same thing when I was trying to get cycling with CCRM - wanted things to happen the same way they had been happening all along and then BAM...my CCRM cycle was the messed up cycle.

Hang in there...I'm sorry again things are so tough.