On our way back from camping today we got into a bit of a tangle with a deer. On the freeway. Going 70 miles per hour. We were cruising right along and all of the sudden DH and I saw the deer running across the grass towards the freeway. We were hauling our fifth wheel camper and another trailer behind it with our golf cart in it. There was no way possible for us to stop with all of that weight.
The deer jumped up onto the passenger side windshield, where I was sitting and L was sitting behind me. As the deer hit the windshield, he hit the side mirror at the same time and tore that completely off. He then smashed along the passenger side of the truck and then flew up and hit the front of our fifth wheel where it hangs over the pick-up bed and then flew around the side of the camper and then landed back down on the interstate.
The truck is pretty banged up (DH just bought this truck in November) and the camper has a big gouge in it from the hoof of the deer. Thankfully we barely felt the impact of the deer hitting. When the state trooper got there L and I were pretty upset. The trooper said it was okay to drive the truck home, but I told DH that I was not driving home in the truck since there was a hole in the windshield and glass shattered all over the place on the passenger side, which is where L I were both sitting. My parents were about a half hour behind us so I said I would wait for them to pick L and I up to drive us home. The trooper offered to follow DH as he drove home while L and I rode in the squad car with him.
When I got into the squad car I thanked the officer for offering to drive us home. I explained that I was just newly pregnant and it took us three years and lots of money to get to this point and that I didn't want to do anything to lose this baby. He replied by saying that he knew what that was like and that he and his wife struggled with IF too and that it took them almost two years to have their youngest child. I was so glad that he "got it". He then asked if I was okay and I told him that I was fine, just shaken up.
Thankfully, DH has hit a couple of deer in t he past. He was able to slow down enough and keep the truck straight on the road instead of swerving, losing control and rolling the truck with the camper and additional trailer attached. When we got home, he came and gave me a big hug and kiss and then unloaded everything from the camper by himself and then vacuumed the house. Awww, how sweet:)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Totsicles, POAS and P4
I was looking back in my previous posts and I don't think I ever mentioned that I also have three frozen totsicles from this cycle. I received the letter in the mail from my clinic on Wednesday, May 20, which was the same day as my first beta. Looking back I was so upset that I was doing a 3dt and it turned to be nothing short of good news all the way around. All of my totsicles are blasts that were either frozen on day 5 or day 6. We are ecstatic to have some siblings and it is so comforting to know that we have these little embies waiting for us.
Today was the day that I was actually brave enough to POAS. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it until today, fearing that I would see yet another BFN on HPT. To my delight, the "+" showed up right away. Somehow seeing that "+" just makes it more real, which I was in desperate need of.
I also went to the clinic today for a P4 check this morning. I am soooo excited that I don't have to take any more PIO shots! WOOHOO! My P4 was >100, which the nurse said is "really, really good". It means that my body is producing progesterone on its own at this point. No more IM shots for the foreseeable future, WOO-frickin'-HOO! I do have to continue the heparin sub-q shots 2X/day until I am at least 9 weeks, maybe 12 weeks. I will find out more when I go in for my u/s on June 8.
Today was the day that I was actually brave enough to POAS. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it until today, fearing that I would see yet another BFN on HPT. To my delight, the "+" showed up right away. Somehow seeing that "+" just makes it more real, which I was in desperate need of.
I also went to the clinic today for a P4 check this morning. I am soooo excited that I don't have to take any more PIO shots! WOOHOO! My P4 was >100, which the nurse said is "really, really good". It means that my body is producing progesterone on its own at this point. No more IM shots for the foreseeable future, WOO-frickin'-HOO! I do have to continue the heparin sub-q shots 2X/day until I am at least 9 weeks, maybe 12 weeks. I will find out more when I go in for my u/s on June 8.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Someone, Please Pinch Me
I feel like I have been having an out of body experience. I look at my bloated belly and know that there is a baby in there, but I feel so detached. It's like this whole thing is a dream and that someone needs to pinch me to bring me back to reality. I haven't even been able to POAS yet to see that double line because I am so afraid that I will see another BFN. Silly, I know, but I just keep thinking that just because I am pregnant, this does not mean I will be having a baby. After going through so much to even get to this point, it is hard to "get over" our IF and the feelings of being an IVF Veteran. One would think that once you become pregnant all of those feeling go away, and quite simply, they don't.
I also think about the future too. My sister asked me if I will need a XXL shirt for our annual 4th of July weekend at their cabin (we go there with about 25 people and go to their small town parade and all 25 of us wear matching 4th of July shirts). I responded, "I hope so." Or I think about how *hopefully* huge I will be at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I also think about when it will be appropriate to tell L.
It is just such a weird mix of emotions and feelings. I am so thankful that I am having all of these emotions, but just don't know what to do with them.
I want to thank all of you, my blog readers, for your amazing words, thoughts and prayers. Man, what would I do without all of you? Seriously. You have become my friends and I hope I am so privileged to meet you IRL some day. Wouldn't that be so fun?:) I know that there are several of you that are cycling now or in the next couple months and, as always, I so hope, pray, and wish that you get your BFP and that you have long, healthy pregnancies. I wish this for all of us.
My first u/s is scheduled for June 8. I am really excited to see what is going on in my belly. I hope and pray that they will see cardiac activity. I keep remembering when I saw Ls heartbeat flickering away on the u/s screen- what a wonderfully marvelous day that was! I SO want to see that little strong, flickering heartbeat in my belly again, of that I am sure.
I also think about the future too. My sister asked me if I will need a XXL shirt for our annual 4th of July weekend at their cabin (we go there with about 25 people and go to their small town parade and all 25 of us wear matching 4th of July shirts). I responded, "I hope so." Or I think about how *hopefully* huge I will be at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I also think about when it will be appropriate to tell L.
It is just such a weird mix of emotions and feelings. I am so thankful that I am having all of these emotions, but just don't know what to do with them.
I want to thank all of you, my blog readers, for your amazing words, thoughts and prayers. Man, what would I do without all of you? Seriously. You have become my friends and I hope I am so privileged to meet you IRL some day. Wouldn't that be so fun?:) I know that there are several of you that are cycling now or in the next couple months and, as always, I so hope, pray, and wish that you get your BFP and that you have long, healthy pregnancies. I wish this for all of us.
My first u/s is scheduled for June 8. I am really excited to see what is going on in my belly. I hope and pray that they will see cardiac activity. I keep remembering when I saw Ls heartbeat flickering away on the u/s screen- what a wonderfully marvelous day that was! I SO want to see that little strong, flickering heartbeat in my belly again, of that I am sure.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Beta Results
Gosh, where do I even begin? It has been quite the week. In the past 3 years we have done:
4 IUIs
5 IVF transfers
2 saline sonograms
2 endometrial biopsies
too many dildo-cams to want to remember
countless semen analysis test
flown to Colorado for another opinion
hundreds of sub-q and IM injections
swallowed (or choked) down hundreds of medication pills
been high on Va.lium 5 times (ahhh, transfer day is the best!)
shed enough tears to fill the Nile
learned how to live with joy and gratefulness for the things I do have
realized who the important people in our lives are
spent $50,oo0 on something that kept on failing and was never really tangible
...and the list could go on
After all of the heartache, despair, tears, false hope, and all the other emotions that go along with IF, we are finally, finally, finally PREGNANT!
Here are the results of my betas:
9dp3dt- 159
11dp3dt- 303
P4- 80.3
Due Date: January 29
First u/s: TBD the week of June 8
I went in for my first beta on Wednesday. My clinic does not tell you your results from that beta until after your second beta is drawn two days later. I had talked to a couple nurses right before my ET and told them that this time I wanted to know after my first beta. They told me that they would try to give them to me. When I went in on Wednesday I left a message for the nurse to call me to discuss my results. I didn't know if they would call me or not. Lo and behold, they called around 11:30 that morning. Here is the conversation:
Me: Hi this is Kris.
Nurse: Hi, Kris. How are you?
Me: I'm okay.
Nurse: Well, I have some really good news for you.
Me: You do?
Nurse: Yes, you had a really strong beta today.
Me: What was it?
Nurse: 159.
Me: OMG! Are you kidding?
After this the only thing I remember her telling me was that my RE was very pleased with the number and that my P4 was 80.3. I remember collapsing onto the ground and crying and saying thank you over and over again.
Once I got off the phone with her I called DH. He was standing right next to my dad when I called him. I could tell he was really excited, but couldn't give me a true reaction because he didn't want my dad to know. About an hour later, DH came home to give me a big hug and celebrate. We were eating lunch in silence and I asked him if he was excited. He replied,"Yes! I was driving home and just started giggling because I am so excited." We both agreed that we were in complete shock.
The past two days have been indescribable. I have had so many emotions that it is hard to put into words. We have told just a couple friends and family members (they read our blog and are our most trusted confidantes:)). Of course, if these people did not read our blog or know exactly the date our child was conceived, we never would have told them this soon. So far we have made four people cry and one person pee their pants a little!:) Most touching was seeing my dad get tears in his eyes. Wow! If that doesn't pull at your heart strings, I don't know what does:) I keep reminding DH the couple people we have shared our wonderful news with,"These are the first two hurdles and we have many more to go. We have been through too much and have read so many others stories that I am living the the state of reality and not the ignorant bliss that I had when I was pregnant with L".
I keep looking at my bloated belly and thinking, "There is a baby in there". It hasn't sunk in completely yet. I am trying to live one day at a time (think Jordin Sparks here).
Wow! I am so super excited. WOOHOO!!!
4 IUIs
5 IVF transfers
2 saline sonograms
2 endometrial biopsies
too many dildo-cams to want to remember
countless semen analysis test
flown to Colorado for another opinion
hundreds of sub-q and IM injections
swallowed (or choked) down hundreds of medication pills
been high on Va.lium 5 times (ahhh, transfer day is the best!)
shed enough tears to fill the Nile
learned how to live with joy and gratefulness for the things I do have
realized who the important people in our lives are
spent $50,oo0 on something that kept on failing and was never really tangible
...and the list could go on
After all of the heartache, despair, tears, false hope, and all the other emotions that go along with IF, we are finally, finally, finally PREGNANT!
Here are the results of my betas:
9dp3dt- 159
11dp3dt- 303
P4- 80.3
Due Date: January 29
First u/s: TBD the week of June 8
I went in for my first beta on Wednesday. My clinic does not tell you your results from that beta until after your second beta is drawn two days later. I had talked to a couple nurses right before my ET and told them that this time I wanted to know after my first beta. They told me that they would try to give them to me. When I went in on Wednesday I left a message for the nurse to call me to discuss my results. I didn't know if they would call me or not. Lo and behold, they called around 11:30 that morning. Here is the conversation:
Me: Hi this is Kris.
Nurse: Hi, Kris. How are you?
Me: I'm okay.
Nurse: Well, I have some really good news for you.
Me: You do?
Nurse: Yes, you had a really strong beta today.
Me: What was it?
Nurse: 159.
Me: OMG! Are you kidding?
After this the only thing I remember her telling me was that my RE was very pleased with the number and that my P4 was 80.3. I remember collapsing onto the ground and crying and saying thank you over and over again.
Once I got off the phone with her I called DH. He was standing right next to my dad when I called him. I could tell he was really excited, but couldn't give me a true reaction because he didn't want my dad to know. About an hour later, DH came home to give me a big hug and celebrate. We were eating lunch in silence and I asked him if he was excited. He replied,"Yes! I was driving home and just started giggling because I am so excited." We both agreed that we were in complete shock.
The past two days have been indescribable. I have had so many emotions that it is hard to put into words. We have told just a couple friends and family members (they read our blog and are our most trusted confidantes:)). Of course, if these people did not read our blog or know exactly the date our child was conceived, we never would have told them this soon. So far we have made four people cry and one person pee their pants a little!:) Most touching was seeing my dad get tears in his eyes. Wow! If that doesn't pull at your heart strings, I don't know what does:) I keep reminding DH the couple people we have shared our wonderful news with,"These are the first two hurdles and we have many more to go. We have been through too much and have read so many others stories that I am living the the state of reality and not the ignorant bliss that I had when I was pregnant with L".
I keep looking at my bloated belly and thinking, "There is a baby in there". It hasn't sunk in completely yet. I am trying to live one day at a time (think Jordin Sparks here).
Wow! I am so super excited. WOOHOO!!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Laying Low
A couple of you have asked when my betas are. Without being too specific, since I have family and friends who read my blog and I really don't want everyone calling me asking about my results, I will say that my betas are coming up. For right now I am trying to just lay low and concentrate on happy, pleasant, positive things.
When I was a little girl I remember having nightmares every once in a while. I would wake up in the middle of the night and run to my parents room in tears. After letting me lay down in their bed with them until I was calmed down my mom would always bring me back to my own bed to fall back asleep. As I tried to fall back to sleep she would rub my back to soothe me and talk about happy things. I remember her saying to me, "think about eating an ice cream cone on a hot summer day". When I was 7-8 years old, that was the best thing to think of, really. I remember smiling as I drifted back to sleep thinking about ice cream cones. Maybe this is why I like ice cream so much as an adult? Anyway, I digress. Whenever I need to think good thoughts I always think about an ice cream cone on a hot summer day.
Today I am thinking of eating an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Only pleasant, happy thoughts for me.
And if you don't hear from me for a few days, I am just laying low. DH and I will need some time to absorb the news of our beta, regardless of the outcome.
When I was a little girl I remember having nightmares every once in a while. I would wake up in the middle of the night and run to my parents room in tears. After letting me lay down in their bed with them until I was calmed down my mom would always bring me back to my own bed to fall back asleep. As I tried to fall back to sleep she would rub my back to soothe me and talk about happy things. I remember her saying to me, "think about eating an ice cream cone on a hot summer day". When I was 7-8 years old, that was the best thing to think of, really. I remember smiling as I drifted back to sleep thinking about ice cream cones. Maybe this is why I like ice cream so much as an adult? Anyway, I digress. Whenever I need to think good thoughts I always think about an ice cream cone on a hot summer day.
Today I am thinking of eating an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Only pleasant, happy thoughts for me.
And if you don't hear from me for a few days, I am just laying low. DH and I will need some time to absorb the news of our beta, regardless of the outcome.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Calm Before the Storm and Enough Child
A couple of you asked if I will do an actual HPT and POAS. I don't know if I will or not. The one HPT that I thought I had in my house, was not an HPT, but an OPK (as you read in my previous post), LOL. I don't have any actual HPTs in the house, and right now I don't have the urge to go buy one. I hate to POAS, especially with my track record of BFNs. I always look at the BFN on the HPT and then I literally hold my breath, while hoping and praying that it was wrong, until I get the call from my clinic to confirm the BFN. POASing just seems to give me too much stress.
I am a bit afraid, fearful and nervous for my betas later this week. But not overly so. I think about what the outcome will *hopefully* be, but I am not over analyzing or stressed out this time. I don't know if I am having too much fun pretending in my own mind that I am pregnant what with this huge belly bloat I have going on or if I am just becoming more numb to the 2ww process and IVF roller coaster. Overall, I have an odd sense of calm. Which is highly unusual for my Type A personality. I just hope the storm later this week involves the flurry of laughter, happy-tears and abundant joy. Not a storm that will throw me into the deep, deep, dark hole of despair I have been in before.
This morning I called and canceled my OHSS check appointment. Really, I feel fine (other than the highly noticeable belly bloat). I am drinking my fluids, eating protein, using the restroom a lot and feel great. I don't have as many dizzy and light-headed spells (which I think were from the Ca.berg.oline they put me on to help combat any possible OHSS). The nurse was fine with me canceling and told me to call in again if I noticed any other symptoms of OHSS.
I have also been thinking a lot about my "enough" child, my little L. For months I have been trying to think of a way to address him when people ask if he is any "only" child or if I have any more children to which I respond, "no, I 'just' have L". I never like these questions, for obvious reason, but also because he is not "only" or "just" because it makes him seem so insignificant, for some reason. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking that maybe there is a better way to respond like, "no, he is my "enough" child". Because, really, he is enough. Not in the negative sense of the word at all, but because I am so thankful to have him. I would never want him to think that he wasn't "enough" for DH and I, because he is. If we are not able to have another, he is "enough" and more than I ever thought I deserved. He is "enough" because....because, how could he not be?
I am a bit afraid, fearful and nervous for my betas later this week. But not overly so. I think about what the outcome will *hopefully* be, but I am not over analyzing or stressed out this time. I don't know if I am having too much fun pretending in my own mind that I am pregnant what with this huge belly bloat I have going on or if I am just becoming more numb to the 2ww process and IVF roller coaster. Overall, I have an odd sense of calm. Which is highly unusual for my Type A personality. I just hope the storm later this week involves the flurry of laughter, happy-tears and abundant joy. Not a storm that will throw me into the deep, deep, dark hole of despair I have been in before.
This morning I called and canceled my OHSS check appointment. Really, I feel fine (other than the highly noticeable belly bloat). I am drinking my fluids, eating protein, using the restroom a lot and feel great. I don't have as many dizzy and light-headed spells (which I think were from the Ca.berg.oline they put me on to help combat any possible OHSS). The nurse was fine with me canceling and told me to call in again if I noticed any other symptoms of OHSS.
I have also been thinking a lot about my "enough" child, my little L. For months I have been trying to think of a way to address him when people ask if he is any "only" child or if I have any more children to which I respond, "no, I 'just' have L". I never like these questions, for obvious reason, but also because he is not "only" or "just" because it makes him seem so insignificant, for some reason. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking that maybe there is a better way to respond like, "no, he is my "enough" child". Because, really, he is enough. Not in the negative sense of the word at all, but because I am so thankful to have him. I would never want him to think that he wasn't "enough" for DH and I, because he is. If we are not able to have another, he is "enough" and more than I ever thought I deserved. He is "enough" because....because, how could he not be?
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Not Pregnancy Test
This morning I woke up and after realizing that I had to use the restroom 4 times between 9:30 last night and 8:00 this morning I decided to POAS. I got out the one lonely HPT that I had in my house and proceed to POAS. As it is blinking, my hopes remained low as it is a digital test and even I were pregnant I would expect that my HcG levels would be lower than 50, which the test is made to detect at.
As I am waiting for the result I decide to pick-up a few things around the house and get some laundry started. When I walked back in to the bathroom I looked at the HPT box as the test was blinking away. All I could do was laugh, hysterically. Stupid me used an Ovulation predictor kit test!! It wasn't a HPT at all. Apparently today I am not supposed to know if I am pregnant or not:)
I am still super bloated and am now officially calling my stomach a "science experiment". When I woke up yesterday I told DH, "I think it is getting smaller." He looked at it and said, "Hmm, do you think so?" Apparently it's not. I go in tomorrow for another OHSS check, but don't suspect that I have it. My belly is really bloated, but it doesn't hurt and I have no other OHSS symptoms at all. Not quite sure why I am so bloated. Anyone have any thoughts?? I think today I look like I am about 5 months pregnant, really, and this is not an exaggeration. When I saw my dad on Friday and he looked at my stomach I think his eyes just about bugged out of his head.
My current medications:
Estrace orally 2X/day
Endometrin suppositories 3X/day
PIO IM injection 1X/ day
Heparin sub-q injection 2X/day
Prenatal vitamin
Baby Aspirin
I also wanted to thank two IF friends, N and K, who called me this week to check on me. We all go to the same clinic and are all actively cycling right now. Thank you also to C, who is done cycling at my clinic, who met me this week to do a "drug swap". Okay, well there weren't really any drugs involved but she gave me a bunch of her PIO needles which the pharmacy wanted to charge me $55 for. Thanks also to my dear friend, S, who always stalks me at just the right moment and who allows me to stalk her too, LOL!:) And, as always, thanks to DH and my family for giving us just enough support to know that we are loved.
Now that this sounds like an acceptance speech for an Academy Award, I am going to end this blog post!
As I am waiting for the result I decide to pick-up a few things around the house and get some laundry started. When I walked back in to the bathroom I looked at the HPT box as the test was blinking away. All I could do was laugh, hysterically. Stupid me used an Ovulation predictor kit test!! It wasn't a HPT at all. Apparently today I am not supposed to know if I am pregnant or not:)
I am still super bloated and am now officially calling my stomach a "science experiment". When I woke up yesterday I told DH, "I think it is getting smaller." He looked at it and said, "Hmm, do you think so?" Apparently it's not. I go in tomorrow for another OHSS check, but don't suspect that I have it. My belly is really bloated, but it doesn't hurt and I have no other OHSS symptoms at all. Not quite sure why I am so bloated. Anyone have any thoughts?? I think today I look like I am about 5 months pregnant, really, and this is not an exaggeration. When I saw my dad on Friday and he looked at my stomach I think his eyes just about bugged out of his head.
My current medications:
Estrace orally 2X/day
Endometrin suppositories 3X/day
PIO IM injection 1X/ day
Heparin sub-q injection 2X/day
Prenatal vitamin
Baby Aspirin
I also wanted to thank two IF friends, N and K, who called me this week to check on me. We all go to the same clinic and are all actively cycling right now. Thank you also to C, who is done cycling at my clinic, who met me this week to do a "drug swap". Okay, well there weren't really any drugs involved but she gave me a bunch of her PIO needles which the pharmacy wanted to charge me $55 for. Thanks also to my dear friend, S, who always stalks me at just the right moment and who allows me to stalk her too, LOL!:) And, as always, thanks to DH and my family for giving us just enough support to know that we are loved.
Now that this sounds like an acceptance speech for an Academy Award, I am going to end this blog post!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
OHSS Watch
When I woke up yesterday morning I was really bloated. Not just kind of bloated, but really bloated. I was feeling light-headed, nauseous, dizzy, tired and weak. I spent most of the day on the couch even though this is the first day that I was technically off of bedrest after my transfer. By mid-afternoon I felt like I was going to pass out and my cheeks kept getting flushed. I called the clinic and they wanted me to come in for an OHSS check. I told them that I didn't feel that it was safe for me to drive and asked to wait until today to come in. Against their request to see me yesterday, I decided to wait until today to go in.
I woke up this morning feeling less nauseous and dizzy. I am still super bloated, as in I look like I am four months pregnant bloated, no joke. When the nurses saw me today they were shocked at how huge I am. After monitoring me and checking my hemoglobin today I found out that I do NOT have OHSS, thankfully! They do want to see me back in on Monday for another check. I am supposed to continue drinking gatorade, increase my protein intake and rest as much as I can. I feel exhausted (most likely from the progesterone) and I feel really foggy, like I can't really focus or concentrate. I still feel light-headed and like I can't function normally. My belly does not hurt, it's just really, really bloated.
The best part of all...I want to feel like shit, for at least the next 12 weeks. Not super shitty, but just enough so that I am constantly reminded that I am pregnant. :)
I woke up this morning feeling less nauseous and dizzy. I am still super bloated, as in I look like I am four months pregnant bloated, no joke. When the nurses saw me today they were shocked at how huge I am. After monitoring me and checking my hemoglobin today I found out that I do NOT have OHSS, thankfully! They do want to see me back in on Monday for another check. I am supposed to continue drinking gatorade, increase my protein intake and rest as much as I can. I feel exhausted (most likely from the progesterone) and I feel really foggy, like I can't really focus or concentrate. I still feel light-headed and like I can't function normally. My belly does not hurt, it's just really, really bloated.
The best part of all...I want to feel like shit, for at least the next 12 weeks. Not super shitty, but just enough so that I am constantly reminded that I am pregnant. :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Embryo Transfer- PUPO with Triplets
First of all, thank you so much to my readers for being so concerned about me after my previous posts. I was in a really bad place on Sunday. Immediately after finding out the news of our 3dt I started dusting and vacuuming my house, doing laundry, went to the grocery store. All the while, DH kept telling me to calm down. I just thought I would have Monday and Tuesday to get all of the stuff done around the house. At one point my DH in trying to make light of the situation said to me, "Honey, I am sure you feel so much better knowing that the house is vacuumed while you are laying in bed for two days." Of course he was making a joke and it did make me laugh.
Thanks also to Sue! I read your comment on my blog just before I went out the door to my ET and it was so true!!
Okay so on to the good stuff!
I am officially pregnant until proven otherwise with triplets. I have my much awaited embryo report...here it is:
Eggs Retrieved: 25
Mature: 20
Fertilized: 13
Still Growing on Day 3: 13
Transferred: 3
Lab is Still Watching for Freeze: 10
I am a bit concerned that I only had 13 embryos fertilize. I think this is the lowest fertilization rate we have ever had. We transferred an 8 cell, grade 1.5 compacting, 8 cell grade 1.2 and 8 cell, grade 1.5. (grade 1 being the best, 5 being the worst). All of the embryos had little or no fragmentation. The RE and the embryologist said that "they are really good embryos". Unfortunately I have heard this four other times so it doesn't really mean much to me.
I arrived at the clinic at 8:30 to have my pre-transfer acupuncture. It was just what I needed to relax and be prepared for my transfer. At 9:30 the nurse came back to do my OHSS check and then I had my blood drawn to check my hemoglobin. After my blood draw I was taken back for my transfer preparation. The embryologist came in to talk to us about our embryos. She explained that they decided to do a 3dt because my embryos did not meet the criteria for a 5dt (she didn't explain the criteria). She also explained that they really wait for the embryos to say "pick me" and that the three embryos that were chosen were really good quality and superior to the other remaining 10 embryos. They felt that it was better to put these three back in as a 3dt because they believe that the embryos do better inside of your uterus rather than in the lab. We spent about 10 minutes talking about my embryos and she showed me the information on my 10 remaining embryos. They range from 4 cells to 9 cells with varied fragmentation and grade (grade 2 is the worst grade). She hopes that some of them make it to freeze, but she couldn't say for sure.
After we talked to the embryologist, the RE came in. I was really nervous about having this RE do my transfer, but was pleasantly surprised. She came in and greeted me and introduced herself to DH. She placed the speculum ever-so-gently and then had the nurse adjust the u/s for several minutes to get a good picture of my lining. My ovaries are still so big that it took them awhile to get a good picture. My lining was measuring at 11.5. The RE said that this is perfect- not too thick and not too thin. The embryologist came in with the catheter and helped the RE transfer my embabies. She told DH and I that everything looked really good and that it was a perfect transfer.
After I left the transfer room I went back for a post-transfer acupuncture treatment. I barely remember having the needles inserted because the val.ium made me so sleepy. My DH stayed in the room with me for my acupuncture and when the treatment was over I woke up and DH told me that I was snoring so loud, LOL! That val.ium really conks me out!!:)
When we got home DH stayed with me for a while as I slept off the val.ium and as I was sleeping he came in to tell me he had to leave and do a couple of things for work and had to pick up L from daycare and that he had left me some cheez-its. When I woke up I started laughing hysterically. I thought it was so funny that he left me cheez-its. Of all things he could have left for me, he chose cheez-its. Too funny! I called him when I woke up and he came home and made me lunch, after, of course, I had eaten the cheez-its:)
I am now on bedrest until tomorrow morning. DH came home to make me lunch today and while he was here he carried a recliner into our home office and adjusted the monitor so that I could do some computer stuff.
For fun, what you ate on the day you did your transfer? Or what funny or fun things did you do on bedrest?
Thanks also to Sue! I read your comment on my blog just before I went out the door to my ET and it was so true!!
Okay so on to the good stuff!
I am officially pregnant until proven otherwise with triplets. I have my much awaited embryo report...here it is:
Eggs Retrieved: 25
Mature: 20
Fertilized: 13
Still Growing on Day 3: 13
Transferred: 3
Lab is Still Watching for Freeze: 10
I am a bit concerned that I only had 13 embryos fertilize. I think this is the lowest fertilization rate we have ever had. We transferred an 8 cell, grade 1.5 compacting, 8 cell grade 1.2 and 8 cell, grade 1.5. (grade 1 being the best, 5 being the worst). All of the embryos had little or no fragmentation. The RE and the embryologist said that "they are really good embryos". Unfortunately I have heard this four other times so it doesn't really mean much to me.
I arrived at the clinic at 8:30 to have my pre-transfer acupuncture. It was just what I needed to relax and be prepared for my transfer. At 9:30 the nurse came back to do my OHSS check and then I had my blood drawn to check my hemoglobin. After my blood draw I was taken back for my transfer preparation. The embryologist came in to talk to us about our embryos. She explained that they decided to do a 3dt because my embryos did not meet the criteria for a 5dt (she didn't explain the criteria). She also explained that they really wait for the embryos to say "pick me" and that the three embryos that were chosen were really good quality and superior to the other remaining 10 embryos. They felt that it was better to put these three back in as a 3dt because they believe that the embryos do better inside of your uterus rather than in the lab. We spent about 10 minutes talking about my embryos and she showed me the information on my 10 remaining embryos. They range from 4 cells to 9 cells with varied fragmentation and grade (grade 2 is the worst grade). She hopes that some of them make it to freeze, but she couldn't say for sure.
After we talked to the embryologist, the RE came in. I was really nervous about having this RE do my transfer, but was pleasantly surprised. She came in and greeted me and introduced herself to DH. She placed the speculum ever-so-gently and then had the nurse adjust the u/s for several minutes to get a good picture of my lining. My ovaries are still so big that it took them awhile to get a good picture. My lining was measuring at 11.5. The RE said that this is perfect- not too thick and not too thin. The embryologist came in with the catheter and helped the RE transfer my embabies. She told DH and I that everything looked really good and that it was a perfect transfer.
After I left the transfer room I went back for a post-transfer acupuncture treatment. I barely remember having the needles inserted because the val.ium made me so sleepy. My DH stayed in the room with me for my acupuncture and when the treatment was over I woke up and DH told me that I was snoring so loud, LOL! That val.ium really conks me out!!:)
When we got home DH stayed with me for a while as I slept off the val.ium and as I was sleeping he came in to tell me he had to leave and do a couple of things for work and had to pick up L from daycare and that he had left me some cheez-its. When I woke up I started laughing hysterically. I thought it was so funny that he left me cheez-its. Of all things he could have left for me, he chose cheez-its. Too funny! I called him when I woke up and he came home and made me lunch, after, of course, I had eaten the cheez-its:)
I am now on bedrest until tomorrow morning. DH came home to make me lunch today and while he was here he carried a recliner into our home office and adjusted the monitor so that I could do some computer stuff.
For fun, what you ate on the day you did your transfer? Or what funny or fun things did you do on bedrest?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
In Limbo- Part 2
So, DH broke down and called the on-call service. The nurse called back and after explaining the situation, she decided to call the embryologist. The embryologist confirmed that we are doing a day 3 transfer tomorrow. I immediately started crying and likely won't stop for the rest of the day. The nurse tried to cheer me up, but I am not cheered. Out of 25 eggs retrieved apparently none of them are good enought to hold out for a day 5 transfer.
Happy fucking Mother's Day to me.
Happy fucking Mother's Day to me.
In Limbo on Mother's Day
Right now I feel like it is beta day. You know, when you POAS in the morning and it is BFN. Then you have to wait for the clinic to call to confirm the BFN. But as you sit here and wait, you hope and pray that the HPT was wrong. That your clinic will call and tell you that indeed the HPT was wrong- that really you have a BFP with a really strong beta number.
Yesterday I received a voice mail from my clinic giving me the tentative ET info times for a day 3 transfer. The nurse told me after my ER on Friday that she would be calling me on Saturday to give me this information. The embryologists are the only ones in the clinic on Sundays and that is the day that they usually 'make the call' of which day to do the transfer, day 3 or day 5. She said that if the embryologists came in on Sunday and decided to do a day 5 transfer they would call and update us by 2:00. If ET is to remain on day 3, then we would receive no phone call on Sunday and just follow the day 3 instructions that were left for us on voice mail on Saturday. On the day of ER the nurse made the comment that it would most likely be a day 5 transfer considering we got so many eggs and I have always had the option of doing a day 5 transfer. Even in the voice mail yesterday she said several times that it was "tentative" that my ET would be on Monday.
Well, it is 3:00 and the embryologist has not called to update us with ET information for Wednesday, which would be a day 5 transfer. So, at this point, I have to assume that they want me to come in tomorrow for a day 3 transfer.
I am upset, sad and frustrated. How could I have 25 eggs retrieved and have them do a day 3 transfer? Did my eggs really decline in quality since the last time we did an ER in August? Did the embryologist just forget to call us today since they don't usually call patients? What the hell happened to my eggs? I don't even know right now how many were mature and fertilized or how many are still growing. I am completely in the dark, and I am NOT happy. I just want to know what is going on with my embabies. And I have no one to call today. It's Sunday and my clinic is not open.
I am hoping that this is all a big mistake. That I will get a phone call later today with my day 5 instructions. Or that I will get to the clinic tomorrow and they will tell me to come back on Wednesday for a day 5 transfer.
To top it off, the RE who I mentioned that did a couple of my u/s for this cycle and whom I am not particularly fond of. Yep, that one. The one that has been an RE for less time than I have been a patient at my clinic. Yep, that one. Yippee for me...she is scheduled to do my transfer tomorrow. I am not happy.
It's Mother's Day. I should be enjoying L (and I am. I got cuddle time in bed this morning and some awesome gifts), but as the reality of my IF life smacks me in the chest and knocks the breath out of me, I am upset. And another Mother's Day is ruined.
I should have known that today would not go as planned. We had a flat tire on the way home from our camping trip today too.
Yesterday I received a voice mail from my clinic giving me the tentative ET info times for a day 3 transfer. The nurse told me after my ER on Friday that she would be calling me on Saturday to give me this information. The embryologists are the only ones in the clinic on Sundays and that is the day that they usually 'make the call' of which day to do the transfer, day 3 or day 5. She said that if the embryologists came in on Sunday and decided to do a day 5 transfer they would call and update us by 2:00. If ET is to remain on day 3, then we would receive no phone call on Sunday and just follow the day 3 instructions that were left for us on voice mail on Saturday. On the day of ER the nurse made the comment that it would most likely be a day 5 transfer considering we got so many eggs and I have always had the option of doing a day 5 transfer. Even in the voice mail yesterday she said several times that it was "tentative" that my ET would be on Monday.
Well, it is 3:00 and the embryologist has not called to update us with ET information for Wednesday, which would be a day 5 transfer. So, at this point, I have to assume that they want me to come in tomorrow for a day 3 transfer.
I am upset, sad and frustrated. How could I have 25 eggs retrieved and have them do a day 3 transfer? Did my eggs really decline in quality since the last time we did an ER in August? Did the embryologist just forget to call us today since they don't usually call patients? What the hell happened to my eggs? I don't even know right now how many were mature and fertilized or how many are still growing. I am completely in the dark, and I am NOT happy. I just want to know what is going on with my embabies. And I have no one to call today. It's Sunday and my clinic is not open.
I am hoping that this is all a big mistake. That I will get a phone call later today with my day 5 instructions. Or that I will get to the clinic tomorrow and they will tell me to come back on Wednesday for a day 5 transfer.
To top it off, the RE who I mentioned that did a couple of my u/s for this cycle and whom I am not particularly fond of. Yep, that one. The one that has been an RE for less time than I have been a patient at my clinic. Yep, that one. Yippee for me...she is scheduled to do my transfer tomorrow. I am not happy.
It's Mother's Day. I should be enjoying L (and I am. I got cuddle time in bed this morning and some awesome gifts), but as the reality of my IF life smacks me in the chest and knocks the breath out of me, I am upset. And another Mother's Day is ruined.
I should have known that today would not go as planned. We had a flat tire on the way home from our camping trip today too.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Egg Retrieval
I woke up at 5:45 this morning and immediately started to cry. I was nervous and scared about todays ER and the outcome of this cycle. I told DH that I just don't want to be in a place of despair again with a BFN. I was also nervous about the actual ER since I have not had one since last August.
When we arrived at the clinic DH was taken back to give his sample. We were then called back to the surgery area of the clinic. Everything went really well and as we got closer to ER I became just a little more at ease. When the embryologist came in to verify my name and DOB I told her to take good care of my babies:)
When I woke up from the anesthesia I heard the number: 25 eggs retrieved! Go ovaries! You rock!
I will find out when I go in for ET how many were mature, fertilized and still viable. We are looking at a day 5 transfer on Wednesday. So, for now I have to hope, pray and stay positive that one of these (or two!) will be the ever-elusive golden egg.
When we left the clinic we headed over to pick up my MIL to go out of town for the weekend. We got back to our house, finished loading up our camper and are now at the campground (which is at a casino) with my mom and dad and MIL. All of our camping friends are coming up later today and two of my BILs and SIL will be joining us for the day tomorrow.
I am not that sore, surprisingly. At my last ER in August I had 23 eggs retrieved and I was so sore. Today I just feel sleepy. I am going to lay down for a rest this afternoon. I also have to go back to the clinic on Monday to get my hemoglobin checked for OHSS. My clinic monitors you pretty closely if you have more than 20 eggs retrieved. I also received an extra bag of saline before they unhooked my IV today.
Thank you all for checking on me and wishing me well. It feels so great to have such wonderful people around. You are all the best!
When we arrived at the clinic DH was taken back to give his sample. We were then called back to the surgery area of the clinic. Everything went really well and as we got closer to ER I became just a little more at ease. When the embryologist came in to verify my name and DOB I told her to take good care of my babies:)
When I woke up from the anesthesia I heard the number: 25 eggs retrieved! Go ovaries! You rock!
I will find out when I go in for ET how many were mature, fertilized and still viable. We are looking at a day 5 transfer on Wednesday. So, for now I have to hope, pray and stay positive that one of these (or two!) will be the ever-elusive golden egg.
When we left the clinic we headed over to pick up my MIL to go out of town for the weekend. We got back to our house, finished loading up our camper and are now at the campground (which is at a casino) with my mom and dad and MIL. All of our camping friends are coming up later today and two of my BILs and SIL will be joining us for the day tomorrow.
I am not that sore, surprisingly. At my last ER in August I had 23 eggs retrieved and I was so sore. Today I just feel sleepy. I am going to lay down for a rest this afternoon. I also have to go back to the clinic on Monday to get my hemoglobin checked for OHSS. My clinic monitors you pretty closely if you have more than 20 eggs retrieved. I also received an extra bag of saline before they unhooked my IV today.
Thank you all for checking on me and wishing me well. It feels so great to have such wonderful people around. You are all the best!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Joyous Day
Today is the first day in a couple of weeks that I don't have to do any suppositories or shots! Woohoo! Ahhh, the simple pleasures in life.
'Nuff said:)
'Nuff said:)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Ultrasound Update #4 and Superstars
I had my last monitoring u/s this morning. So what does that mean? I get to take my trigger shot tonight! Woohoo! My ER is scheduled for Friday morning at 8:45. We have to be at the clinic at 7:20 so DH can give his 'sample' to help create our little embryos that will hopefully become our children. Here are the results from today's u/s:
Measureable Follies (>10): 26!
Small Follies: (<10): 11
Total Follies: 37!
Lining: 10.8 B/C
As many of you know, not all of the follicles retrieved will be mature or fertilize. And not all of them will become beautiful little embabies. The small follies won't have enough time to catch up and be big enough, but I included them in my stats because that is just a lot of frickn' eggs! This is by far the most I have ever had. I am impressed, amazed and a bit proud of my ovaries, the little over-achievers. Now let's just hope that OHSS does not follow ER.
My lining is looking really good too. I am a bit concerned that it is not a full "C" yet, but I won't have ET until next Wednesday. The nurse said it was almost a "C", but not quite there yet.
I also have to thank a few Superstars! First, thanks to my now retired Dad (his last day was last Friday after 35 years of service- now that is impressive!) for taking L on Monday morning so I could go to my u/s. Thank you also to my Mom and Dad for taking L tomorrow overnight and into Friday for ER. Thanks to my MIL for taking L this morning so that I could go to my u/s and for taking L next Wednesday all day for my transfer. Thanks to a couple of my friends for wishing me well and continually asking me for updates and making sure that I am doing okay. I feel really surrounded by so many great people right now and it feels fabulous. I just hope this awesome feeling lasts for nine months!
Measureable Follies (>10): 26!
Small Follies: (<10): 11
Total Follies: 37!
Lining: 10.8 B/C
As many of you know, not all of the follicles retrieved will be mature or fertilize. And not all of them will become beautiful little embabies. The small follies won't have enough time to catch up and be big enough, but I included them in my stats because that is just a lot of frickn' eggs! This is by far the most I have ever had. I am impressed, amazed and a bit proud of my ovaries, the little over-achievers. Now let's just hope that OHSS does not follow ER.
My lining is looking really good too. I am a bit concerned that it is not a full "C" yet, but I won't have ET until next Wednesday. The nurse said it was almost a "C", but not quite there yet.
I also have to thank a few Superstars! First, thanks to my now retired Dad (his last day was last Friday after 35 years of service- now that is impressive!) for taking L on Monday morning so I could go to my u/s. Thank you also to my Mom and Dad for taking L tomorrow overnight and into Friday for ER. Thanks to my MIL for taking L this morning so that I could go to my u/s and for taking L next Wednesday all day for my transfer. Thanks to a couple of my friends for wishing me well and continually asking me for updates and making sure that I am doing okay. I feel really surrounded by so many great people right now and it feels fabulous. I just hope this awesome feeling lasts for nine months!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Ultrasound Update #3
I went in this morning for monitoring u/s #3. To my surprise, my favorite nurse called in sick today. I was so bummed out when the receptionist told me. The nurse who was doing the u/s today is my least favorite nurse. She was so slow, they had to go get an RE to do my u/s since they were running so far behind. Lo and behold, it was the same one who did it on Saturday.
When she walked in the room and gave me the chart so I could mark my follie sizes I looked at my lining notes from Saturday. They were changed from 7.0 to 7.7. So here was our conversation:
Me: Oh, you changed this?
RE: Yes, I looked at it wrong the other day. And when we did the follicle check I don't usually measure the smaller follicles because we know they are there, but they aren't big enough yet.
Me: (thinking: the nurse must have told her I wasn't pleased with the u/s) Thank you for explaining. It's just that after we have spent so much time and money trying to have a baby I just really want to know where I am at. I was concerned with this new protocol that we were taking steps backwards because my lining was thinner and my follicle count was less than it was at my previous u/s.
RE: I understand. Sorry for wrecking your day on Saturday.
Me: You didn't wreck my day, just a couple of minutes. (insert laughter from RE and I).
RE: OK, so we will count all of them today and give you a better count.
It was a really light-hearted conversation and I was glad that she addressed my frustration from Saturdays u/s.
Here are my stats:
Follicles: 12 measurable (over 10), 17 unmeasurable (under 10), the biggest measuring at 16
Total follie count: 29!
Lining: 10.25
She told me that the smaller ones will really start popping up now and catch up (this also happened on my last two fresh cycles). I have to go back in on Wednesday and she thinks ER will be on Friday.
When she walked in the room and gave me the chart so I could mark my follie sizes I looked at my lining notes from Saturday. They were changed from 7.0 to 7.7. So here was our conversation:
Me: Oh, you changed this?
RE: Yes, I looked at it wrong the other day. And when we did the follicle check I don't usually measure the smaller follicles because we know they are there, but they aren't big enough yet.
Me: (thinking: the nurse must have told her I wasn't pleased with the u/s) Thank you for explaining. It's just that after we have spent so much time and money trying to have a baby I just really want to know where I am at. I was concerned with this new protocol that we were taking steps backwards because my lining was thinner and my follicle count was less than it was at my previous u/s.
RE: I understand. Sorry for wrecking your day on Saturday.
Me: You didn't wreck my day, just a couple of minutes. (insert laughter from RE and I).
RE: OK, so we will count all of them today and give you a better count.
It was a really light-hearted conversation and I was glad that she addressed my frustration from Saturdays u/s.
Here are my stats:
Follicles: 12 measurable (over 10), 17 unmeasurable (under 10), the biggest measuring at 16
Total follie count: 29!
Lining: 10.25
She told me that the smaller ones will really start popping up now and catch up (this also happened on my last two fresh cycles). I have to go back in on Wednesday and she thinks ER will be on Friday.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Ultrasound Update #2
I had another monitoring u/s this morning. And I was irritated when I left there. It was a waste of time. My REs associate, who has only been an RE for about 6 months, did my u/s today. Usually the nurses do them, so this is the first time I had an RE do one. She measured my lining at 7.0 (didn't give me a letter). Then she measured my follies and she estimated how many there were. Seriously? Estimated? WTF?!?
I asked the nurse before I left how my lining could decrease since I am not bleeding and I am on the vi.agra suppositories. She told me that is is subjective and is measured differently by different people. Okay, I can understand that. But this was not my first rodeo. I have been through this four other times and my lining has never decreased. Nor has my follicle count ever decreased as it did today.
I left there feeling like it was a complete waste of time. Rest assured, my favorite nurse will be there on Monday for my next u/s appointment and I will have a more accurate u/s.
I asked the nurse before I left how my lining could decrease since I am not bleeding and I am on the vi.agra suppositories. She told me that is is subjective and is measured differently by different people. Okay, I can understand that. But this was not my first rodeo. I have been through this four other times and my lining has never decreased. Nor has my follicle count ever decreased as it did today.
I left there feeling like it was a complete waste of time. Rest assured, my favorite nurse will be there on Monday for my next u/s appointment and I will have a more accurate u/s.
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