Sunday, May 10, 2009

In Limbo on Mother's Day

Right now I feel like it is beta day. You know, when you POAS in the morning and it is BFN. Then you have to wait for the clinic to call to confirm the BFN. But as you sit here and wait, you hope and pray that the HPT was wrong. That your clinic will call and tell you that indeed the HPT was wrong- that really you have a BFP with a really strong beta number.

Yesterday I received a voice mail from my clinic giving me the tentative ET info times for a day 3 transfer. The nurse told me after my ER on Friday that she would be calling me on Saturday to give me this information. The embryologists are the only ones in the clinic on Sundays and that is the day that they usually 'make the call' of which day to do the transfer, day 3 or day 5. She said that if the embryologists came in on Sunday and decided to do a day 5 transfer they would call and update us by 2:00. If ET is to remain on day 3, then we would receive no phone call on Sunday and just follow the day 3 instructions that were left for us on voice mail on Saturday. On the day of ER the nurse made the comment that it would most likely be a day 5 transfer considering we got so many eggs and I have always had the option of doing a day 5 transfer. Even in the voice mail yesterday she said several times that it was "tentative" that my ET would be on Monday.

Well, it is 3:00 and the embryologist has not called to update us with ET information for Wednesday, which would be a day 5 transfer. So, at this point, I have to assume that they want me to come in tomorrow for a day 3 transfer.

I am upset, sad and frustrated. How could I have 25 eggs retrieved and have them do a day 3 transfer? Did my eggs really decline in quality since the last time we did an ER in August? Did the embryologist just forget to call us today since they don't usually call patients? What the hell happened to my eggs? I don't even know right now how many were mature and fertilized or how many are still growing. I am completely in the dark, and I am NOT happy. I just want to know what is going on with my embabies. And I have no one to call today. It's Sunday and my clinic is not open.

I am hoping that this is all a big mistake. That I will get a phone call later today with my day 5 instructions. Or that I will get to the clinic tomorrow and they will tell me to come back on Wednesday for a day 5 transfer.

To top it off, the RE who I mentioned that did a couple of my u/s for this cycle and whom I am not particularly fond of. Yep, that one. The one that has been an RE for less time than I have been a patient at my clinic. Yep, that one. Yippee for me...she is scheduled to do my transfer tomorrow. I am not happy.

It's Mother's Day. I should be enjoying L (and I am. I got cuddle time in bed this morning and some awesome gifts), but as the reality of my IF life smacks me in the chest and knocks the breath out of me, I am upset. And another Mother's Day is ruined.

I should have known that today would not go as planned. We had a flat tire on the way home from our camping trip today too.


Niki said...

WTF?! I'd be super upset too Kris! I can't believe that all of a sudden this cycle you'd have to do a day 3 transfer. I'm guessing that with the holiday today the nurse hasn't called yet, but will be calling later to give you the news of the blast transfer. I'm just sorry that you have to go through this heartache and that Dr. S isn't around to do your ET. ((Hugs)) to you and wishes for an improved Mother's Day for you.

kayjay said...

Ugh. A simple thing such as a phone call seems to be too much to ask doesn't it? Hard since you just paid them the big bucks yet all of their fingers are broken so they can't dial a phone??? I'm sorry you haven't heard or had any news since the ER. I hope that tomorrow they will send you home b/c you will be doing a day 5 transfer instead and that they 'forgot' to call you. hugs - keep us posted too okay?